Better Things

2008 is almost over! It was a good year for so many reasons, and a bad year for many reasons as well. To be totally honest, it was probably the worst year in a long, long time (if not ever) for me, and I am content to see it go. If this is the worst I see, then I am very grateful!

I am thrilled that 2009 is right around the corner. I know it has great things in store! I can feel it! That's not to say I won't have things (or people, LOL) to complain about on occasion. So the blog will remain intact for... SOME... of that. You people don't get to know ALL of my feelings/secrets. ;)

Anyway, this is my last post of 2008, and it's very genuinely dedicated to EVERYONE (but a few people in particular... and I have a feeling they know who they are). Happy new year! Love ya! Mean it! And I hope tomorrow, you find better things.

Here's wishin you the bluest sky

And hoping something better comes tomorrow

Hoping all the verses rhyme,

And the very best of choruses to

Follow all the doubt and sadness

I know that better things are on the way.

Here's hoping all the days ahead

Won't be as bitter as the ones behind you

Be an optimist instead,

And somehow happiness will find you.

Forget what happened yesterday,

I know that better things are on their way.

It's really good to see you rocking out

And having fun,

Living like you just begun.

Accept your life and what it brings.

I hope tomorrow you'll find better things.

I know tomorrow you'll find better things.

Here's wishin you the bluest sky

And hoping something better comes tomorrow

Hoping all the verses rhyme,

And the very best of choruses to

Follow all the drudge and sadness

I know that better things are on the way.

I know you've got a lot of good things happening up ahead.

The past is gone, it's all been said.

So here's to what the future brings,

I know tomorrow you'll find better things.

I know tomorrow you'll find better things.

A good day, but it'll be better after this.

Seagulls. You stink! I know you have to eat too but we were trying to feed the ducks. And you are vicious (and LOUD)! There was plenty to go around... you didn't have to beat up on the ducks so much. Jeez.

Mosquitos. Seriously? You're still here? It's winter! Get the hell outta here and stop trying to bite me through my THICK Bronx Science sweatshirt. You ain't gettin' nothing but lint that way. Idiots.

Finally... the tire swing. I love you, tire swing. And so does my son! But gone are the days of being able to spin really fast and being able to do all those crazy rides without feeling like I am going to puke up my Thanksgiving (2007) meal. I am getting OLD!

I feel better! I mean, I'm still nauseous and all, but... I'm better in every other way. :)

Seriously?

Can I ask you what happens between when a doctor leaves one examining room to go to the next? Why is it that it takes two hours for a doctor visit when there don't seem to be THAT many people at the office? I know there are charts to fill out and whatnot (a bunch of other totally acceptable things) but seriously... TWO HOURS for a 5-minute interaction with the doctor? Seriously?

GObama!

This is a place for negativity. So... what can I write, really? ;)

Shit on this!

I was once accused of "shitting on" a bunch of people. I won't spend any more time on that quote (or the filth that said it) but I will spend a little more time on this one: "You reap what you sow."

I have met a lot of (genuinely) bad people in my life, unfortunately. And I don't know that any of them set goals to be bad people. At least, I hope they didn't. I would hope that no one would "strive" to be bad.

I wonder if the bad ones know deep down inside (or maybe not "deep" as many are incredibly shallow) that they are bad?

You reap what you sow.

Multiple personalities...

Can I ask you something? Is everyone different online compared to IRL (in real life)?

Ugh. Parents!

They... WE... can be so annoying. And awful! Not all of them (us), but...

I can't stand holier-than-thous who feel like they can judge others. I think we all do it on occasion, but can we all agree... it's just not right? Some people may be (or be doing) blatantly stupid (things), but we're all human, not one moreso than another (well...) and who do we think we are, standing there being judgmental?

Yet, I judged today. Twice. I tried to just keep my thoughts in the "opinion" arena, but I got worked up. Here we go. I'll try to be as succinct as possible, but it's not always easy for me. You know.

Situation number 1:
We were hanging around the festival activities. There was some sort of car show going on. A man was "camping out" at the car show-- cooler, koozies, and all-- and he was yapping away to his friends/family. I suspected he was chemically imabalanced, but that shouldn't matter.

Here's the conversation/"reenactment" as best I can remember:

• Man (pointing to a young boy, maybe 13, behind him): "Guess who was suspended last week? And guess why?
• Friend (laughing): Fighting!
• Man: FIGHTING! Well, defending himself.
• Man goes over to boy (the one who was suspended) and high-fives him. Boy smiles, proudly.
• A woman (the boy's mom?) says something indiscernible (plus, I don't remember the details of the parts that I did clearly hear), but it's clear that she is laughing and high-fiving right along. Or maybe she's doing one of those "I PROMISE I don't approve *giggle*" eyerolls.
  
• Friend: What did he hit?
• Man: He didn't hit low enough! HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAA... etc.

I don't know what happened after that. We left. We were leaving anyway, but even if we had no plans to leave, I would have insisted on it. I certainly didn't want to catch anything, in case that "anything" was contagious. Ugh.

That's the kind of kid who would end up in my classroom. And I'd have a field day breaking him... breaking what the parents built...

Then again, I have been called a blowhard (you know)... so take it with a grain of salt. But please feel sorry for the kid. I hate to say he doesn't stand a chance with parents like that, but then again, I only got part of the story. Sigh.

Situation number 2:
We're walking through the "kid section" at the festivities today. There were a few little girls scattered around, all dressed up. I guess they were performing-- dancers, singers, etc. We got stuck behind a woman with two young girls. I assume the woman was the mother (yes, I know what happens when you assume). The girls were probably 8 or 9 years old (at most), both dressed up in some sort of costume/recital/performance gear. One was dressed as a princess; she was wearing a long, flowing, white and silver outfit with a cute little crown. Adorable!! The other girl... was dressed like a whore.

I'm sorry. I know that is vulgar. But I don't know how else to describe this outfit. It was black, silver, and red... dotted with bling... fishnet stockings complete with the line up the back of the leg... bikini top (fully revealed midriff) and a skirt that didn't even cover her little 9-year-old rear-end. Even the puff of ruffles on her rear ("Hey! Look here!! Ruffles!!" Ew.) didn't help. That's right... I saw cheek!!!! I could not believe it.

I don't know what kind of parent would let their child dress that way (even as a costume!), and I don't know what kind of parent would support violence in their child. I understand the need to stand up for yourself, and I fully support the efforts parents make (within reason) to help their children in that regard. And I fully support hobbies and extracurricular activities, as well as exercise, such as dancing or performing in some way (I'm not a fan, personally, of pageant parents/kids though... but that's another post). I just think that both of the children used as examples today have questionable guidance... and it really pissed me off today.

Then again, I only have part of the stories... which is a another reason I'm not fit to judge. How many people have YOU judged, only knowing part of the story? Not everyone's adult enough to recognize that. I'm working on it.

S-I-G-H...

Monstitoes.

That's what these things are. Not just regular mosquitoes... they are monsters. And I hate them. I have been looking forward to this (cooler) weather for a while so that we could do more outdoorsy things, but we inevitably have to cut the fun short because of these little (big) shits.

We just went outside for a little afternoon walk, like we try to do every day, and got ATTACKED. So now we're inside, watching Sesame Street.

Sigh.

Crib sheets...

... are a HUGE pain in the ass to put on the crib.

What?

I can not stand it when you are having a conversation with someone, and you don't hear what they say... so you say "What?" (or "Excuse me?" or "I'm sorry?" or whatever your preference) and they repeat only part of what they said...

For example... and this is an actual conversation I had with, uhhh, Debbie:

K: "The brand is Weed Eater."
roughly ten minutes later...
D: "Weed Eater is one word?"
K: "What?"
D: "One word?"
K: "What about 'one word'?"

And another thing. Sometimes "What?" doesn't mean "Would you repeat that? I didn't hear you." Sometimes it means "What the fuck does that mean?" It's important to know the difference so that this doesn't happen:

D: "I just purchased five darnassian bleu before!"
K: "What?!" (please take note of the exclamation point/question mark combo... although you can not see the punctuation in actual speech, I assure that their presence is obvious)
D: "I just purchased five darnassian bleu before!"

I Get Mad.

Good for the goat for admitting it. He's SO not passive-aggressive!!!! He's mad and you know it!

I'm going to try to be more goat-like. You should too!!!!

Lemmings. Seriously.

HOLY SHIT!

Don't you get bored? Talking about the same person, or people, over and over again? Complaining about the same person, or people, over and over again? What more is there to say? I'm convinced that this summer has been so oppressively hot and humid because of all the air that keeps shooting out your blowholes. Surely you're more creative than that.

Yes, yes, yes, you're hAlarious and incredibly clever. Although, one of the most entertaining things is the thought of you out there thinking you're too smart to, uhhh, "get caught." But really, this bit is done. Time to find some new material. FIND SOMETHING NEW TO DO. SOMEONE NEW TO HATE. Ho-ly shit.

You're only as pretty as the person inside. I know some ugly... some FUGLY... people. So you do.

FREAKcycle.

Does anyone out there belong to the Freecycle group? It's really great-- you should look into it if you're interested at all in helping the planet Earth survive the human race. It's your kids' home too.

ANYWAY. The way it works is the following: you have something to give away (as opposed to throwing it away... this is the whole point of Freecycle). You post that item on the group's messageboard. You get "x" replies. After a period of, say, 24 hours, you are supposed to pick names at random (supposed to... not everyone does).

So, essentially, you're not really supposed to give preference to anyone in terms of to whom your items go. However, you'll undoubtedly get sob stories and whatnot from people who really want your old ironing board, etc.

But just so you all know, the next time I Freecycle something, I AM GIVING PREFERENCE TO THE PEOPLE WHO SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

Not Music to MY Ears

Hello readers! I am a guest blogger here on Purge Negativity. I am actually not much of a blogger at all. I do have a private "invite only" blog for my family where I post updates about my daughter, but as far as a regular, public blog...I've never had one. Just not my thing I guess. However, from time to time I feel the need to bitch. So I came here because my dear friend, Kristie, told me that blogging about things that piss you off is cathartic. So, here goes!

Today my husband, my daughter and I piled in our vehicle and headed across town to my sister's house. On the way we stopped at a gas station to fill up. We pulled up behind a young man standing outside of his car, pumping gas. I noticed him right away because he had every window in his car rolled down and he had his God awful music blaring. His music was so loud that it was making things inside my vehicle, including my brain, rattle. The music was heavy with profanity, which I have to admit, made me cringe a bit. Now don't get me wrong, I cuss like a sailor when my daughter isn't around. However, she is at the age where she repeats EVERYTHING she hears and I am really trying to fill her vocabulary with words that are appropriate for a 1 1/2 year old. I mean, even "dang it" doesn't sound good coming out of her little mouth. I was not the only one who was irritated. My daughter started complaining in gibberish because the music was SO loud that she couldn't even enjoy her Blue's Clues DVD. I told her that I felt her pain and we both put on our best matching mother and daughter "pissy faces" and glared at the back of the man's head. When the man replaced the nozzle I got excited, thinking that maybe our glaring had worked and he was going to go the fuck away. But alas, he was not finished subjecting me and every other person with in a mile radius to his migraine inducing music. He actually turned and went into the gas station, leaving his music blasting at the pump. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? He finally returned a few minutes later and got into his car. I did an exaggerated, hands-in-the-air cheer as he passed by us and drove away. I just don't understand why it is that people like him think that the rest of us want to hear their crappy-ass music at top volume everywhere they go? Perhaps the answer is that people like him just don't think!

I have a crush on happiness.

Remember when I was all conflicted about where to put random thoughts? If they're not laced with anger or histility, they don't belong here. If they're completely stupid, random, and nonsensical, they probably don't belong on the blog I have for my son. And, well, the other blogs I own are very specific and about specific people or things... so they don't go there. Sigh. Do I have to start another blog? A random thoughts blog? How much can one person possibly say to themselves??

Anyway. I don't want to start another one, so I am going to throw them in here every once in a while. I did warn you that in the midst of this fiery pit of negativity, you might occasionally come across a flower, or a heart, or a puppy, or a butterfly... there might be something happy to read. Or to ignore. Whatever. Eff you (there... I guess that's the "negative" quota for this post... I like to stay on task, you see).

My son and I were downtown the other day. I drive my friend's stepson to guitar lessons every week and it doesn't make sense to come home since the lesson is only thirty minutes long. So while T is strumming away, DS and I just hang around good ol' downtown Wilm.

We're walking along the boardwalky thing, looking at the water, the boats, the bricks, the birds, etc. I heard a weird humming/rumbling sound. I looked up. There, coming right at us, were about ten of those two-wheel-glider-roller-vehicle-things (no, not motorcycles... sheesh... you know, those glider-roller-mobiles that look all futuristic... the ones that you ride standing upright) coming right at us. They don't go fast, so it wasn't a RUN FOR YOUR LIFE kind of reaction, but I was thrown anyway. I got DS and we just stood aside, watching the happy little tourons (thank you for the term, J) glide on by.

Then, as soon as they past us, a cute older man who had been standing near us (and looking as bewildered as I was) turned to me and said, simply, "I wasn't quite expecting that."

I laughed for (it must have been) ten straight minutes. It was just perfect. It was happiness.

There has to be something better!

My "old" diaper bag broke. It's fixable, but I don't want to fix it because I want a new diaper bag. I tried using my ol' Pepto-pink backpack (because it's just easier to have a backpack when you're carrying a mobile baby and a hundred other things with the two arms that you are born with-- man, that was an oversight, eh?) but it's not baby-friendly. I seriously had to empty everything from the backpack to find ONE diaper this morning.

So I need a new one. A better one. A convenient one. A cheap one. A good one. A quality one. A cute one. A classy one. And I need it now.

The hunt begins!

Don't worry.

I'm so smart.

I just had a great idea.

From now on, everyone who is named in this blog is going to be "Debbie." This will eliminate (some of) the assumptions that I am writing about YOU (except for the really paranoid lot of you). It will also eliminate some other questions, such as "Who does she know whose name starts with K? Katie? Could it be Katie? Nah. Kelly? Kelli? Kathy? Kristie? Could she be complaining about herself? Hmmmm, wouldn't doubt it. She's crazy."

So everyone is Debbie. What an honor!

Welcome to Girld. Now, get out!

I'm in a pissy mood because my vacation is over. It was an amazing time, as it always is, but I am now depressed and angry to be back here, so far away from my family. SO I feel like I want to bitch a little. And this is where I come to bitch. Didn't you know that? What the hell did you think was going on? OHHHH. Maybe you didn't think.

My brother shared an email with me last week. It was one of those "fuck you" emails from a friend of his. She was mad that he didn't do something, or mad that he did... I don't know. Neither does he. His message to me in the beginning of the forwarded message was something like "What is wrong with everyone?" I had no answer.

Actually, I did... but my answer was a reprimand to him. You see, K was one of my brother's very close friends. They met in law school and have been friends since. I have met her a few times and I think (thought) she is fabulous-- great sense of humor, a real firecracker, and so sweet. Anyway, I made some sort of "a true word is often said in jest" remark a long time ago (when I was still a legal resident of the Girl World) about the fact that he was so close with a girl. I warned him that the rules in Girl Word (or Girld, as we have affectionately named it) were different than he may be used to. Regular rules don't always apply! Logic and reason don't always matter! Yelling, secrets, passive-aggressiveness, snarkiness, whispering, unreasonable-uhhh-ness, abound! And now, having visited Girld so often, and having spent so much time there, he was forced to be initiated. And I warned him that this day might come.

I ran for office of Girld in eighth grade when my friend P totally dropped me and my friends to join another clique. I abdicated my position for a long time, only running again in the late 1990s when one of my good ol' friends decided to suck. I held this position on and off, unfortunately, until 2004, through another sucking couple of friends. At that point, I formally resigned and relocated to this wonderful place called Earth where, theoretically, real people live. But alas, in early 2008, I was deported from Earth and forced to spend a little time in semi-solitary confinement on Girld through what has been lovingly tagged the "Mama Drama."

Fortunately, the Mama Drama ended for me in March, but like any battle worth its weight, there are residual effects. It's alright; I was prepared for this (having survived the Girltom Bomb before). I'm still here on Girld, but I'm being held against my will. I keep trying to leave, but the new Girld authorities seem intent upon upping their citizenship numbers by using trademark Girld methods-- not unlike those employed in Lost and Sona-- to keep me and many others imprisoned on the island. They try violence (my goodness... such hostility!), intimidation (laughable, but you get an A for effort), pushing their sleeves up and taking a battle stance (some people are just so tough!), making "I know this will get back to her if I tell enough people" comments, making "this had better not get back to her but I trust you so I know you would never sell me out no matter what, right?" comments, making double entendre statements, writing passive-aggressive emails, postings, comments, away messages, status updates... and of course, making alliances. Safety in numbers!

And Girldlings are sneaky! They're everywhere! Most of my experience is with Yankee Girldlings, but don't be fooled... southern Girldlings play dirty too... maybe even dirtier. You know, like "shoot you when your back is turned" dirty. "I smile whilst I poison you, friend" dirty. Meh, whatever. An attack is an attack.

Now HOLD ON. Sigh. I can just see some of you now... some of you Girldlings... getting all pissed off thinking I am writing all about you (have you read the PARANOIA post? HMMMM?) when BAM! I drop a name! A real, actual NAME. Not an initial, but a NAME. I say the name DEBBIE. She's a Yankee Girldling. And she pissed me off. She even pissed me off directly (this is strange, as Girldlings rarely make direct hits), and she sort of resurfaced when this K incident reared its ugly head. And although I have built up quite a tolerance of this poison, it annoyed me anyway.

Debbie's not going to read this (we haven't spoken in years). I don't even care if she does or not... my catharsis won't come by outing her. I did, however, want to state her name so that I can dispel any suspicion that I am writing about anyone in particular (aside from K and Debbie). Writing my cathartic posts and then having them come around and bite me in the ass because I discover that specific people think I am writing specific things about them, pissing them off, and now I have to get pissed off at all the egocentric people in the world who seem to always think they are worthy of all of my thoughts and... well, it's annoying and simply creates a vicious cycle that is the antithesis of the point of this blog. What did I just say?

Girldling warfare has become my iocane powder. And I am almost fully immune (inconceivable!). I might get an upset stomach or a mighty headache on occasion, but that's as bad as it gets for me lately. I just sigh, roll my eyes, give a little hand gesture, and move on. Immediately. Not two months later. Growth!!

Ahhhh. Freedom. So GET OUT, brother! Get out of Girld. I know people. I can help you. It might be tricky, but I've escaped in the past, almost unscathed. I can do it again. I can help you.

Lady. Really, lady?

Here's a story that I recently remembered (though the details are not 100% clear, as it happened a long time ago). The memory was prompted by a moron I was trapped behind in the parking lot of the mall recently.

A few years ago, I was in the Walmart parking lot, waiting to find a spot. The car in front of me rolled to a complete stop (no signal, no nothin'). It just stopped. Nothing happened. No one got in, no one got out... nothin'.

I waited for what I felt was a long time; then I honked. It wasn't one of those obnoxious long honks... I swear! It was just a "Beep! Hello?? Can you please move along? Waiting, here!" Instantly, this enormous lady emerged from the car. She had shades on (it was night time) and she walked toward me (slower than I have ever seen anyone walk in my entire life).

Lady: You got a problem?
Kristie: A problem? No, I wouldn't call it a "problem." I just want to park my car.
L: So park your car.
K: I can't move my car, and I can't park it here. You are stopped in front of me and there are two cars behind me waiting as well. I need to get around you.
L: So go around me.
K: What are you, a high school bully? Can you please just move your car?
L: (did that "tough guy" step-forward thing like she was about to, you know, kick my ass... then she muttered a whole bunch of loud yet cloudy obscenities as she stormed off to her car-- a black Ford Escort-- and peeled away)

WTF????

I was waiting to be jumped on the way to/from Walmart, but miraculously, I survived.

Bullies. It seems as though there are far more of them outside of schools than in them. I've dealt with my fair share of bullies being a middle and high school teacher and all, and it's even more pathetic (sad!) to see "old" people bullying. Some people are SOOOOOOO tough (*rolls eyes*).

I know, I know, these people usually have self-esteem issues and are acting out, but take it somewhere else. I don't know. Go get help. Talk to someone. Lose some weight. Read a book. Pluck your eyebrows. Get a manicure. Take some classes. Whale on a punching bag. Call Dr. Phil. DO something. The rest of us don't have the time or patience to deal with your issues... and we shouldn't have to, either.

Mix it up, Mel.

I can't stand that, in the movie Sweet Home Alabama, Reese Witherspoon's character (Melanie Smooter/Carmichael) wears the same outfit to leave Alabama as she did when she arrived there not long before.

They're trying to make her out to be this big-time hoity-toity New York designer, marrying the mayor's McDreamy son, yet they can't find two plane outfits for her?

Why doesn't she just wear sweats or pajamas to travel like the rest of the world?

Ya ever just feel like this??

**WARNING: This is not for people with sensitive ears.

Paranoia... will destroy ya.

OK, I'm paranoid. DUHHHHH.

Well, hold on. I'm not paranoid if the things I am paranoid about are actually true. I'm most likely not going to be the one to know if they are true or not, but that's not the point. If they're true, whether I know it or not, then you can't call me paranoid. Na na na na naaaaaaaaaaaa na.

Although... I called someone the other day. I don't really know this woman (her name is G)... I know more "of" her than anything else. But I had, ummm, "business" with her, so I called her. She asked me to hold because she had someone on the other line. I said "Of course." Now it must be said that, from the little that I do know of G, I like her. And no, I don't like everyone. Just trust me, I do not. But I like everyone until they give me reason not to. So the people I don't like? Yeah, it's their fault.

Anyway. When G clicked back to her other line, she said "I've got Kristie calling." Now, the paranoid me thinks there was a hint of an "eye-roll" tone of voice, but I can not imagine why. Maybe that's just how she sounds (you know, like the girl that Juno thinks is giving her the "stink-eye," but in reality, that's just how she looks). I have apparently pissed plenty of women off in the greater Wilm area, but I have zero idea what I could have done to piss this particular woman off, and/or why the woman on the other line even knew who I was. Unless... I didn't piss G off... and she's just hearing people... blowing... hard... Nevermind.

ANYWAY. So maybe I am paranoid. Ha ha, reading through some of these posts, I am thinking that some of YOU may be paranoid as well. I'm so cryptic! "My friend" this and "someone I know" that. How annoying! Do YOU think you are this friend? Or this someone? Are you paranoid too? Well, you are in good company. Remember, you're not paranoid if the thing(s) you're paranoid about are true.

Anything you want to ask me?

Allow me to elaborate.

I am elaborating on the "Don't Punish the Kids" post. Originally, I was (half jokingly) doing it for THE Immoral Matriarch, but now having written it (this intro was written post, ummm, post), I feel even better. Not much better, as my original point of bitching was general and this post gets more specific, but yes, better nonetheless.

S and I were talking about cars. I am car shopping and trying to pick the brain of everyone I know, especially those with kids. S doesn't have any kids, but she knows plenty of people that do and she promised to survey them all for me. Like a good little friend, she did.

She was telling me that a coworker or friend or something, who has two children, recently bought some sort of deathtrap sports car that barely has a back seat. I said that I didn't think that was terribly intelligent, considering the children (the practicality factor... and the safety issue). She agreed... and then she said that this man needed to get into a very serious accident, so that the kids get hurt, to teach him a lesson.

I just thought it was an awful thing to say. Awful.

Come on. Don't punish the kids.

I had a conversation with my friend S the other day. I've been friends with S for maybe five years or so? Anyway, this conversation bothered me. It involved a parent doing something stupid (no one is immune from stupidity, now, come on) and S making some stupid comment about how the children of said stupid parent should essentially be punished for the stupid parent's stupidity.

??

S doesn't have children, and I hope that's why she said something so mean. In otherwords, I can't imagine a person with a child wishing ill-will against someone else's child (to essentially punish the parent). Ugh. I really, really hope I don't know parents who I really feel are capable of saying or doing something unkind about/to children to get at the parent. There's not much worse.

Says a lot about you, of course, if you're the type of person to do that. And YOU have to live with yourself, which I have come to realize is the best punishment (even if you don't realize it now... karma...).

But your children also have to live with you... do you want them to suffer because YOU are stupid?

Pregnant does not equal DISABLED (most of the time)!

My in-laws were visiting this weekend. My sister-in-law is pregnant. She's due in September. I found myself (a few times) treating her like she is incapable of doing anything.

When I was pregnant, I could not STAND being treated "delicately." I know that pregnant women have limitations. I was not stupid (still not stupid... contrary to what the rumors are); I was very careful. But I could barely take all the attention and "help." Yet, here I was, doing it to my sister-in-law (who, by the way, seems to hate it too!!).

What I'm saying is this: do you all think about the things that you really despise... from other perspectives? Come on, now. We all know people who do or say things that, if they were done to or said about them, would explode instantaneously. The stupidity is comforting... and it CAN be fun to laugh at them when you witness it happening.

But are you immune?

Mean Girls

I was walking downtown with my cousin recently. A flock of young girls (high school... MAYBE college) went zipping by us, all wearing some variation of denim skirt. I mean, they all looked exactly alike (the skirts, I mean... well, the girls too).

And earlier in that same week, at karaoke (not planned... though I was THRILLED to accidentally end up there... I swear, it was JUST supposed to be dinner!) hoochie after hoochie got up to sing or attempt to dance says the white girl. You should have SEEN what these girls were wearing. Kids today!! Seriously!! I assume they were in college. I did NOT dress up like they do when I went out in college. Come on. Strapless dresses?? Stilettos?

Anyway, M and I just gave each other "the look" when we saw the quadruplets downtown, and mercilessly joked about the hoochie-mamas at karaoke.

Girls are MEAN! The thing is, these girls looked fine. Some even looked GREAT! OK, some seriously and legitimately DID look awful, but most of them were very cute and looked nice. M and I, being the old ladies in the bar, were clearly jealous of the way these girls looked. We want our abs to show! We want our asses to be rock-hard! We want our arms to be ripped!

Is envy the reason that many women are so mean? Clearly it's one of MY reasons!!

Dogs don't bite me...

I, uhhh, "borrowed" that title from a friend. I didn't ask permission. Sorry, M... I hope you don't mind. Edit: I asked permission later and she gave me the "OK." I am saving the conversation in case she ever denies it ;)

I have always thought that you can tell what a person is like by how he or she treats animals. You know, the assholes who "hate" animals or say stupid things like "I'll kick that dog out of my way" are just (let's face it), IMO, bad people.

Lately I have been watching mothers. I don't know that you can be a good mother if you're a bad person, but I'm just a mother and a person... and not qualified to judge.

Anyway... as previously stated (did I state it here or in my other blog?), I have been taking a hiatus from groups lately. I still communicate and/or get out with my guy on my own, or with DH, and/or with some friends who have accepted me for who I am, faults and all. It's so much less EXHAUSTING now. I'm working my way back to group things though, here and there, because I do see value in them. In the meantime, I have been observing the dynamics of groups if and when I see them; it's actually been pretty interesting.

There seem to be many mothers who get out to do group activities predominantly for themselves. Nothing wrong with that; I see the need for moms, particularly SAHMs, to socialize. But should they do this while the children fall to the wayside? IMO, good mothers almost always (if not always) put the needs of their children before theirs (unless, of course, their needs need to be met to meet the child's). But is it right to blatantly ignore (or by annoyed by) the children when you're out at a play date?I'm not even really talking about mothers with their own children. I am talking about how some mothers act/react/ignore every child that is not their own. I always try to greet, play with, or at least address the presence of another child when I am out on a play date. Why not?? They are why we're there, after all, and most of the time why we know each other. And they are ALL adorable (I have yet to meet a non-adorable child), even when they're oozing from every orifice. OK, I wave at those kids from across the playground, but still I wave. :)

Not all moms are user-friendly when it comes to children. It's almost like the moms who don't address the presence of their "playdate mate"'s child(ren) are socially inept. I don't know.

You've got to be kidding me.

... and we're back. But just for a moment.

I get tidbits here and there from the people I know who are still WMs. NO, I do not have a fake account nor do I want one, and I do NOT log in as, or read over the shoulder of, my close friends who still have active accounts (fucking speculate and conspiracy-theorize all you want... I don't fucking lie). OK, fine. I lie. I lied today, actually. But I am not lying about this.

I've heard some ridiculous things about this site lately. I can not believe how fast it has spiraled... or was it always this way, but I was ignorant to it??

I know it's very egocentric to think that the drama in which I was involved had anything to do with the total destruction of what I used to think was a wonderful resource, but...

If the foo shits.

Nothing.

Today, and lately, I hate nothing. Life is better than good...

Expectation.

This post is sort of an addendum to the previous one. I think this person really bugged me!!!!

I just thought of another example to illustrate my gratitude point. This one is more meaningful, because it's not just about being/doing something nice for others who show no gratitude (actually, who show the OPPOSITE of gratitude). It's about gratitude and EXPECTATION.

There may be an expectation of certain things in life but it's important to remember that although something may be expected, you should still show gratitude.

For example (this isn't THE example I was thinking of, but, well, baby steps)... I thanked my Ob/Gyn repeatedly after my son was delivered. I was so, so grateful. Now, this guy gets a gazillion dollars every day for doing what he does. But that's his JOB. So it's expected that he is going to deliver babies safely, yet does he not deserve gratitude?! As long as he did everything "right," does he not deserve gratitude?

Here's the example to which I was referring in the beginning of the post.

I used to be a professional developer. Say what you will, but not everyone knows everything (and even more know nothing) so having a resource person on staff to support the teachers in mandated initiatives was not only useful, but also necessary.

A teacher was printing a test in my room one day, at the very end of her free period. There were several print jobs queued ahead of hers, so she had a little while to wait. I told her that I would keep an eye out for her test so that she could get to class. No big deal.

Her test printed out. I put it in her mailbox. She came to me later looking for it. I told her where I had put it. She all but freaked out, explaining that "you NEVER put tests in mailboxes." You never? Or you never? The other teachers in the room at the time rolled their eyes and reassured me that she was a high-strung lunatic (yes, this was validation... and it felt effing good).

But... ummmm... FA-Q! What was that?!?! It's my job to help you, for sure, but not everything I did appeared in my job description (I was not hired to be a waitress or a delivery girl). I was always happy to go above and beyond (part of my work ethic and stands true today). This was a little extra nothing that I thought I could do to help, yet got reamed for doing it.

It's so easy to criticize from the sidelines when you're useless and a lazy ass. Why do so many people fit that description? And why are the ones that do, proud of it?!

Ungrateful.

I don't care what kind of pissy-ass mood you are in, or what kind of pissy-ass nasty and mean person you are... when someone does something nice for you, BE GRATEFUL.

I went to a (let's call it a) "party" recently. Many of our good friends were there, and a whole bunch of other people as well. It was a nice-sized crowd. It was a "party" in honor of a specific person. And she bitched the entire time she was there.

Did you ever see The Hand That Rocks The Cradle? There was a scene in that movie where the wife was brought home to a surprise party waiting for her. Of course, she didn't know that. She was in the kitchen, arguing (loudly) with her husband while the livingroom housed a whole mess o' guests, just waiting to enthusiastically yell "SURPRISE!!" When she finally went into the livingroom to greet the guests, they were visibly uncomfortable... and rightly so.

OK, this same thing didn't happen at this party, but as a guest, I felt awkward and weird. All of us did. We were visibly uncomfortable.

What is wrong with people? Why are people not immediately struck down by lightning when they act this way? Like, the people who ask for favors and then complain about how they were done. Or the ones who are given money but complain that they weren't given enough. Or the ones who get gifts but complain that they are not the right size, color, shape, price, or brand.

Seriously, people???? I KNOW that these people who complain when nice things are done are bad people (truly, just bad people... how can you live with yourself?) who are clearly bitter about something. But there are no excuses-- good or otherwise-- when people act, no ARE, ungrateful when efforts are made for them.

I just don't get it.

Men are pigs.

I have a friend who bobs in and out of my life, and has for about ten years. He's one of those seriously unstable, volatile people who you just LOVE because you know the layers... and you know better... yet he pisses you off more often than not. Yet when he surfaces, you are THRILLED to hear from him. And then he pisses you off again and you're glad to see him go.

He pissed me off the other day (shocker!). Not at first. And not really. He just bewildered and annoyed me for a couple of days. And I knew exactly where to put the negativity!

I was emailing with him, and we were talking about reunions-- high school, college, etc. (not an entirely irrelevant detail... I am trying to illustrate the randomness of this comment). Within the context of the conversation, he randomly says (and I quote... errr, I copy/paste), "...you never used your body to your advantage."

I "whatevered" him, deleted the email, and that was going to be that. But I started thinking about the comment again last night, and in my never ending quest to over-analyze everything in life, I demanded an explanation. Here is our brief, totally dissatisfying, and slightly INFURIATING conversation... and I quote:

K: OK, I tried to ignore you and let it go, but I don't know what you mean. What made you say "you never used your body to your advantage." What does that mean?

F: I mean just what I said. Most women have some sort of physical attribute that can be used to their advantage in different parts of their lives, like work, home, friends, school, and so on. The smart ones use it and it usually works out for them. I would say that most men would agree with me. [C] and [T] are both bosses of smaller groups at work and they get to pick their teams. You should see the girls that work for them, and you will know what I mean.

K: This is not an acceptable explanation because it's a vague (and confusing) generalization and doesn't actually explain what you said to me, or why you said it specifically about me. Plus, it sounds completely sexist if I am interpreting your words correctly. Oh, and it doesn't really make sense. Did you proofread it!? Is it even worth me asking for more clarification??

F: Just trust me. Men think this way. It's not about T&A or anything, or how a girl looks at work, or anything. It's just about the physical things that men always look for in women, at work, in a relationship, or anywhere.

And although I am still totally mystified about what he meant and why he said it, I am placing it here to let it go. I will NOT obsess. I will NOT continue to ask questions. I will accept some things as stupid, ignorant, or just "not meant to be understood" and I will move on.

But I WILL say that if he meant what I think he meant, then all men are pigs. ;)

Steeeeeeeerike!

I don't know why, but I can not stand watching sports on TV... professional, college... doesn't matter. I can (and love to) watch virtually any sport LIVE, but when it's "just" on TV, I am bored to tears.

I guess the one exception is baseball. I am glued to the TV if/when there is a subway series, if/when my cousin is playing (he played for the Tigers, and now the Marlins), and if/when my New Yorkers play the Red Sux... er, Sox. I fucking HATE the Red Sox. I love Joe Torre though. Love him! Personally, I mean. I love him personally. I personally love him personally. I think he is a REALLY nice guy. And I'll miss him.

I hate all things Duke too. Sorry, Erica (it's actually your fault though). I know this is yet another thing that makes me an enemy of the state, but... well, it's the truth.

And ehhh, I half pay attention when Notre Dame plays anyone in anything, but that's because the lives of many people that I love hang in the balance.

Things that make ya go HA!

"God gave us two ears and one mouth so we could listen twice as much as we speak."
-some character in a movie I saw today

HA! That is a funny quote. I wonder if it's true?? I always thought we had two ears so that we could hear (and sometimes even listen) no matter which way we tried to turn our heads to avoid it!!

Also, I just saw the AT&T commercial with Meatloaf. HA! My favorite part is when his son starts twitching his head, ya know, getting into the jam...

AND... what's with the Betty Crocker Warm Delights mini cakes!? The regular sizes aren't even big enough!

I hate the DENTIST

Well, not personally. I actually think my dentist is a nice guy. But the whole "dentist experience" is always so unpleasant. So I avoid it as long as possible (then end up in the ER, 5 months pregnant) and then finally cave... usually with many consequences...

Vicious cycle.

An appropriate allusion...

I just read something hilarious in Time magazine:

"It's not part of my conditioning as a woman and as a Catholic-school girl to ever be disruptive..."
-Susan Sarandon

It's just funny is all.

HATE is a four-letter word too.

I thought of something else today that pissed me off, but I can't remember it now. It happened while we were out running some errands this morning. While I was trying to remember what it was, I said "hate" to myself a lot. "What the hell was it that pissed me off this morning? Ugh. I hate what...? Did someone do or say something I hate? Did I see something happen that I hate? I hate it when I can't remember..." Anyway, I realized that I was throwing the H-BOMB around quite a bit.

I guess I am going to use the word "hate" a lot. I don't truly hate many people, places, or things (inanimate or not)... I think "hate" is an extremely strong word with extreme meaning, just like the word "love." But I toss them both around like they're no big deal(s). They are though, really. To me, anyway.

I don't actually "love" Jim Halpert, but I say that I do (actually, I say that I looooooooove him). Sometimes you say things that you don't entirely mean, but in a simpler way that others understand. For example... I could say "I enjoy looking at and listening to Jim Halpert because I think he is attractive, intelligent, and hilarious... oh, and I occasionally picture myself as Katy, Karen, or especially Pam, etc. and dream about **CENSORED**" but it's just easier to say "love" in that scenario.

So although I will be saying "hate" a lot in this blog, I don't mean it literally. I'll try to remember to alert you if/when I use it for what it really means.

Allergies.

I have them.

I hate them.

They suck, especially here in Wilm.

My head aches, my nose runs incessantly, my eyes sting, and I can't... stop... sneezing. And I'm not just allergic to the thick blanket of pollen that seems to cover me wherever I go, but I am also allergic to cats, dogs, various grasses, cockroach poop... and a few other things.

I went to an allergist a few years ago-- actually, when I first got to Wilm and thought I was dying of some terminal disease when in reality, it was just good ol' allergies. He did the back-prick thing (which I was told doesn't hurt but ummmm it effing HURT) and my back puffed up all over for the strangest things.

D doesn't suffer from allergies. He's very lucky! I hope L isn't plagued by them either.

Damn words

I think it's annoying when people pronounce the "t" in the word often. Or when people say expecially. Or nurshery (nursery) and groshery (grocery). Or cyoopon (coupon). Or anything with a thick southern accent so that I can't understand...

Damn yankee.

I've run into some trouble.

I have a blog for my family/friends to read about my child and my life as a parent. I have one with funny/memorable quotes from the mouths of my family... and one for quotes from the mouths of my friends. I have one for my sister-in-law's wedding and one for my cousin's. I have one for the business that my sister and I have started. I have one for the mama drama. And now this one.

But here is my dilemma: where do I put the weird random things that I think about? Things that aren't about family, parenting, weddings, quotes, or bitchy moms from Wilm?

For example, today I was thinking about shoes. They are GENIUS. I know we'd all have developed nasty calloused feet and our skin would essentially have become our shoes, but how brilliant to make something to attach to our feet so that we could walk straight across glass or lava and still not feel a thing?

That's brilliant.

Out, out, damn anger!

I'm angry, I guess. I don't go screaming, yelling, cursing, puffing up at anyone, rolling my eyes, flipping my hands or finger, sucking my teeth. Personally, I just don't see those methods as productive. IMO, when you do things like that, no one stands to benefit (except maybe the one screaming, yelling, etc.) and you simply transfer the anger to someone else instead of getting rid of it altogether.

I (and several people I know) got caught up in a stupid situation that ended up just fine for each of us, I hope, but maybe not all of us as a group. Not yet, anyway. I can't and won't speak for anyone else (although I can make assumptions and judgments as I feel was done to me) but I can and will speak for myself. That's why I have this blog, I guess. This kind of cathartic post doesn't have ANY place on the blog I created years ago for my family and my child, and it doesn't belong on the mama drama blog because it's not all about those women.

I guess I didn't realize how angry I was until I was IMing a friend last night. All of the people in the "kicked out" crew, and a couple of others, IMed or texted me when they saw my status updates on MySpace and whatnot, which was thoughtful. At the time of those status updates, I was actually angry in general at mommy groups, and women, and bullshit, and liars, and instigators, and fakes... little bits of each of those things pushed me into a mood I was entitled to be in-- a mood I earned, after trying to act like an adult for a long time and trying to hope for the GOOD in people for a long time. I wasn't angry at anyone in particular. Some friends in general, people in general, but I wasn't being passive-aggressive and cryptic as I am sure it looked. Whatever.

A friend of mine recently said she was the most introspective person she knows. I think introspection is important for anyone! You need to look at, think about, consider yourself and what's going on in your head. She said (in reference to another person) "You don't know what's going on in [my head.] Only I know what's going on in [my head.]" Personally, I agree with AND ECHO THAT 100%. And I don't doubt that for a minute about this friend. But I think others doubt that statement about people in general. For example, I have met quite a few experts on ME recently. It's fascinating. (THAT WAS SARCASM... in case you didn't get it.)

What gives anyone the right to analyze words, actions, moods, behavior of others? I don't even think "trained professionals" have that right. Making analyses and judgments on other people (though we all do it, don't we... myself included?) is a severe violation of those people's rights to simply exist and do whatever they fucking want for whatever fucking reasons they want.

Anyway. Over the past few months, for a variety of reasons and because of a variety of people/things, I have felt a bunch of different ways. It's definitely hindered my ability to be who I really am, and it's definitely affected my relationships down here. I think I have been and will continue to be judged (I think there's irreparable damage) but now that's my cross to bear, because I am tired of trying to prove myself to strangers AND friends.

"Who cares what people think?" is a phrase I've heard a lot lately. I'm sure the answer varies from person to person. I think most people I know would say "Not me! Whatever! Fuck them all! I am who I am and if you don't like it, tough!" but I call bullshit. I think people care. I'm not saying you feel like you have to be liked by EVERYONE (which is what I think people think about ME), but I think, if you are a good person and proud of the good that you are, YOU CARE. When you are mislabeled (by ignorant mommy group administrators/members OR by friends, etc.), it's painful and knocks the wind out of you. And BECAUSE you care about the person you are, and are proud of the person you are, YOU CARE when you get mislabeled. Why is that so fucking taboo??

I've been accused of constantly seeking external validation, and maybe I am! Why would anyone want to be labeled as something awful-- something they are not-- and not want to fight it? It's bullshit if you ask me. I don't see it as seeking VALIDATION (I know who I am, and clearly only one of the few that do) but I AM very serious about the person I am, and it DOES bother me when/that people mislabel me. Is that external validation? If so, then fine. I'm seeking external validation. External validation comes in many forms-- I have a friend who gets it by being an unforgiving boss, a friend who got it from a blog review, a friend who gets it by feigning "fierce independence," a couple of friends who get it from one another, a friend who gets it by constantly telling me how unbelievably perfect her marriage is, etc. To an extent, we all get it and need it in some way or another. Not caring at least in SOME way or another separates you from being a human being. Unlike many other creatures, we have the ability to feel emotion. We have feelings. Why so many people try to hide or fake theirs is beyond me.

I am paranoid. Or rather, I have become paranoid (thanks, mommies of Wilm!!). I'm different than the specific group of friends I was "singled out" with from the mommies group. They are all very vocal and they are the screaming, yelling, and sometimes mean-types. NO JUDGMENT (I can definitely be mean). They know it, anyway. Actually, I'd say they are self-proclaimed "these things." But my style is just not the same as theirs for the reasons I stated above, and I think that has launched me into an entirely different category and dimension as theirs. I think it's been the source of tension for the group as a whole. I think conversations have been had and unpleasant things have been said. That's fine. I don't like it (who would?), but it's fine. We all have to vent somehow and to someone(s).

I try to be honest. Maybe "forthright" is a better word. I have never hidden anything from anyone (I probably should have, LOL... not everything HAS to be shared), I have never bitched, complained, or vented about my friends behind their backs. And you are a hypocrite, my faithful readers, if you have done so while also screaming "I say what I need to say to your face!" on the highest of pedestals...

I think forthrightness has become my enemy though. Who says "Honesty is the best policy"??? It's not. I have been honest and open and I have worn my heart on my sleeve and I have struggled and it was known and I have been hurt and I have done what I had to do to recover and I have been... well, whatever. I think if I had just "Whatevered" everything from the get-go, I'd be in a better position now. With the outside world. But I try to be true to myself so I did what I had to do, selfishly, for ME, and will just face the consequences.

I regret any exhaustion suffered by my friends, my husband, my sister, etc. The drama should have started and stopped on day 1, but it kept popping up here and there and I think that kept throwing a wrench in the works. I AM sorry. But don't worry. It's over now. Almost. ;)

I dropped out of (almost) all groups. I need time to re-connect with myself and really move on. I am giving, and taking, space. Hopefully it'll help.

SO I AM ANGRY. Or I was. I have a blog that helped me get rid of some of those feelings, and THIS blog is helping me get rid of the rest. There are residual feelings for sure, but time will take care of those, I hope. Time and TRUST. But...

I don't trust anyone. Sorry. I know trust is important in relationships. I hope to get it back someday.

Why can't we all just get along?

Girls suck!!

I just deleted this entire post and am replacing it with this one paragraph:

Girls (no matter how nice they seem) never have good intentions. No matter how pleasant or honest they claim, they never say nice things when you're not around to hear them.

Never trust a girl.

STOP!

Surveys. Forwards. Chain mail. "Send this back to me in 10 minutes or you'll be cursed for life."

I never read forwards and I never open attachments. I don't care if "you know I never send forwards, but this one is worth it." I don't browse down the long email filled with pictures of cute animals dressed as people. That stuff is as annoying as the spam that consistently finds its way to my inbox, the stupid real estate fliers that violate my mailbox, and the telemarketers that don't respect the "Do Not Call" list.

There are a few people in my contact list that NEVER send me anything but annoying forwards. I have come THIS CLOSE to marking their addresses as spam, over and over again. And these are real people... IN MY LIFE...

Just. Please. STOP!!!!!!!!!!!

Online community pics

I hate those annoying types of pictures that people post in their MySpace, Facebook, etc. albums. You know the ones I'm talking about: they are usually just of the head, they typically involve a smoldering or pouty look... some of them even try to feign shock (What? You're taking my picture?) as if the people in the world are stupid and don't know that they took the picture themselves.

Awwww, hee hee. Giggle. Stop taking my picture! Wait, that wasn't a good one. Take it again. I mean, STOP!

The garbage pail hates me.

Every time I toss something in the garbage pail in my bathroom upstairs, I miss. EVERY TIME. The garbage pail is in the corner of the bathroom, so there is a little "triangle-esque" gap between the round pail's edge and the corner that the walls make. It's not that big, but big enough to fit exactly what I am trying to toss IN the pail. Nothing bigger, and nothing smaller. JUUUST big enough for the specific garbage I am trying to toss. And I swear, it's like a 3-point swish every single time.

You LIAR!

I can't stand people who lie. I guess we all lie a little, on occasion. But I mean those people who are all "I don't care what anyone thinks of me!" yet they kiss ass more than Gretchen Weiners on a day of low self-esteem... or they go around begging for approval in a stealth way...

I think we all need a little approval from the "outside world." Why else would we brush our hair, shave (I mean, for those of us that do), pluck our eyebrows, try to lose weight?

So, you care. So?

Therapeutic word-spewing

In the interest of eliminating as much negativity from my life as possible, please allow me to list many of the things that drive me insane (trying to reduce the use of the word "hate"):

-Elmo (his laugh is SO annoying, and he is always using the 3rd person)

-Carrie Bradshaw (AWFUL dry, big, permed hair... she and all of her apartment and belongings must stink from the cigarettes... she is always in a rush, running places... enough with the stupid lip gloss... stop using the word "cocktail" and just say "drink" like everyone else in the world... she says "hello" instead of "hi" in awkward situations like when she runs into an ex-boyfriend (PS, you're like 45 years old... learn how to handle running into an ex-boyfriend)... she has an annoying huge smile and awkwardly long blink when she is really happy)

-actually I could do an entire post on Sex & the City, but I won't... I'll continue to watch it obsessively though

-people who don't signal in the car

-couples who can't do anything without one another

-Samantha Harris

-that dance move where the couple does this, like, circle with their bodies but they are facing the same direction and their arms are up... I don't know how to describe it

-Meredith Grey's hair

-people who habitually type with very obvious typos and don't do anything about them

-Bank of America

-Baby Bear from Sesame Street... He has a speech impediment... can't say his Rs... they come out like Ws. For example, he says "sistew" instead of "sister." I insist that it's because Sesame Street wants to connect with all children, including those with speech impediments. And while that is noble of them and all, then they'll have to create characters to connect with sociopaths, bullies, homosexuals, etc.

-

Get it out.

I've been angry for a couple of months now because of some awful women that I used to know, but fortunately I was able to get most of THAT out in my Mama Drama blog. MAN, it felt good to get all of that out. IT WAS SO CATHARTIC!

So I thought I'd continue the tradition, but in a new place. My Mama Drama blog is sacred ground; that anger is reserved for very specific people (they know who they are).

The anger you will see on THIS blog just needs to get the hell out of my life. I want it OUT. So I'm setting it free on the world wide web and I hope to never see it again.

Warning: I am going to curse. Sorry in advance.

Life IS good, but good things don’t always happen. Everyone complains (and everyone has the right to complain) but it’s important not to let the negativity infect the rest of your life. That’s why I am rounding it all up in one place… this blog.