Friday, December 17, 2010

oh grow the fuck up...

sigh.  stop lying.  if you don't want to breast feed, just say it.  don't lie and say you were unable to.  if you don't want to do cloth diapers, just say so, don't blame your husband.  and for god's sake, if you aren't going to try these things DO NOT ask others to supply you with formula and diapers because you CANNOT possibly afford all this AND have a toddler.  IF you knew all this BEFORE you got pregnant, then, um why?  AND while we are at it... you need to report that you are married and suck it up like the rest of us married people that, you know, don't lie.  we ALL are having problems with money.  so if you didn't get the memo that mom's are overworked and underslept (yes i know it's not a word) then maybe, just maybe you should have stopped at one because NO ONE FEELS SORRY FOR YOU!  in fact, all of this pretty much makes you a super huge gigantic mega selfish bitch.
AND FURTHERMORE don't fucking post about all the furniture you HAVE to buy for new baby and all the things you HAVE (that you bought...we KNOW you did) for your NEW playroom...AND THEN complain about no money.  GROW THE FUCK UP!

Sunday, November 28, 2010


i just went to edit my god post and deleted it by accident. HEEEE HEEEEEE maybe god made me do it.

anyway, i'll just get to the point because i'm afraid of getting hit by lightning or whatever. if god doesn't give you anything you can't handle, explain suicide.

Classic middle child

I am ready for my turn now. Everyone gets help. A lot of it. All the time. I need it too. I exist too.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


I hate it when people refer to kids as "delicious." It's just gross to me.

Saturday, November 6, 2010


OH MY GOD, WITH THE 577645343456790890908656453456789-WORD-LONG FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Step away from the computer...


People who can't spell or put together a coherent sentence/thought should NOT be allowed to post in public forums, Facebook, etc. My head aches trying to figure out the crap that some people spew. Do you seriously speak that way in real life? Is the problem between your head and your fingers, or are you simply THAT STUPID?

I am not the best communicator. I can be wordy. I make grammatical mistakes. I have plenty of misspellings. But SOME PEOPLE are just awful and should stay away from posting. Have you ever heard of punctuation?! How about a dictionary? Bill Gates even dumbs it down for you-- use spellcheck. Shiiiiit.

And This Whole Thing? Not Allowed, Not Correct, Nonsensical, What The Fuck.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Full of yourself.

Look, people. NO ONE loves YOU, your kids, your new car, your life like you do. Sure, you're nice. Sure, your kids are cute. But you are (and you should be) the one who is the most interested. Please don't assume the rest of the world cares as much as you do.

One of the (many) things that makes me crazy is people who shove photo albums, digital cameras, phones in your face filled with pictures of their kids. Uhhhh. Okay. Yes. Please, I'd like to spend this time right now looking at pictures of KIDS. And even better, looking at pics of kids that ARE NOT MINE. Get that shit out of my face STAT. If I (pretend to) want to see them I will politely lie to you and gush with the most genuinely fake "Awww!"s and "Soooo cute!"s that I can muster up. And I'll live with it because I'M the one feigning interest. But if I don't ask to see them or I turn away the second I see you obnoxiously shove your pictures in someone else's face, then get that shit out of MY face.

At the very least, post your pics in a place that people can voluntarily see them (or not) at their own discretion and at a time that is most convenient to them. I actually enjoy looking at some friends' FB pictures! I voluntarily visit the pages, albums, blogs, and posts of people I like and I truly enjoy getting a look into their lives that way. So do it that way. Let people come to YOU.

By the way, the people I am talking about here (you know who you are) are the same people who comment on pictures of their own kids on other people's FBs but NEVER comment on anyone else's kids. Like, would it kill you to say "What a sweet picture!" about someone other than yourself or your own children? Meanwhile, other people say nice things about your kids. YOU can't say anything nice about anyone but yourself. SELF-INDULGENT, SELF-CENTERED people. You suck.

PS: Disclaimer: This post is about a very specific type of person. And for the record, I am not evil (contrary to popular opinion)-- I DO like to look at pictures of other people, their houses, their vacations, their kids, their haircuts, etc. I really do! Just not when they are SHOVED in my face, and especially not when these same obnoxious shovers can't/don't bother commenting on anyone else's pictures. Like, the "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MY KIDS! Who cares about you and yours" people. YOU SUCK.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Just cause kids eat free...

Doesn't mean that this is an open invitation for a free for all.  There are other patrons in the joint.  Not all kids are as crazy as yours.  And when you get in line, MAYBE you know what to order and not turn around, look at the crowd behind you and say, "Wow, we beat the crowd."  NO asshole, you are CAUSING the crowd because you are IDIOTS.  And, by the way, while we are at it, the ABSOLUTE WRONG thing to say to me AFTER your kid has picked up an empty beer container and SMASHED it into the ground throwing shards of glass DANGEROUSLY close to my kid, is, "Oh , did my kid do that?"  WHAT?!?!  Am I your nanny?  AM I SUPPOSED to be watching YOUR child?  And after it happens is it REALLY MY responsibility to make sure your child, who by the way is still horsing around and laughing, and quite frankly, is thinking of doing it all over again, doesn't STEP into the broken glass and have to ASK him to MOVE so the VERY efficient staff of the eatery can come clean up the mess YOUR kids made.  And after ALL this, shouldn't YOU make sure your wild ass kid sits his ass down and eats quietly instead of running all over the place almost hitting people in the head with his balloon sword.
Rest assured, you are an idiot and your children are THOSE children.  Please consider keeping them at home on the next kids eat free night... really.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Doorknobs learn faster than you do.


Thursday, June 24, 2010

Just dye already.

LOL. Really? A natural blonde, huh? Riiiight. OH and obviously that was a good and responsible choice during your pregnancy. Mom of the year! But you already knew that, Debbie.

Sunday, May 30, 2010


I just have to say that the person who thinks that work-out-of-the-home parents need more sleep so that they can function at their (professional, salaried) jobs was OBVIOUSLY a work-out-of-the-home parent.

I'm not saying work-out-of-home parents don't need sufficient rest. I know that my fabulous husband needs sleep so that he can function at work. I get it. But why does "society" think that I, as a stay-at-home-mom (of a newborn AND a toddler, no less) need any less sleep to be able to function myself?

My husband is amazing. He's up at night, he's up early in the morning. He helps me, he lets ME get sleep at the expense of his own sleep. I try to be quiet when I get up at night to change and feed the baby, but inevitably, there is noise. So I know his sleep suffers. Yet still he gets up when the baby won't go back to sleep after eating, and he walks her or rocks her or holds her... so that I can sleep. He is amazing!!

But still, there are SOME PEOPLE out there who think the non-work-out-of-home parent needs less sleep. Sure. MY job is important too, and I could benefit from rest. I'M likely to get sick from lack of sleep too, you know.

I'm very lucky to be part of an incredible parenting TEAM. Still, SOCIETY always seems to have an opinion. And it seems to have found its way to me yet again. Shut it, society.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


I have neglected my own blog.  I am neglecting it right now to write this.  There are much happier things in my life that deserve the kind of attention that I am giving to a situation that has been brought to my attention and it makes this hurt even more.
Sometimes I think that you can define a word better by defining what that word isn't.  For example bravery:
It is NOT brave to go out and have unprotected sex with strangers.  It is NOT brave to have said unprotected sex with strangers and NOT tell them the TRUTH about your HIV status.  It is in fact the exact opposite.
It is also NOT brave to then feel horrible about the situation and feel sorry and then blog about it to the whole wide fucking world.  It's also very much NOT OKAY.
It is not for me to judge how you live your life.  You want to be in an open relationship, that is your choice.  HOWEVER, you INFECTING others with a horrible disease. 
I'm sorry that you have HIV.  It is a horrid disease and I believe that no one deserves it.  But if you have so much shame in your life that you can not answer a LIFE and DEATH question TRUTHFULLY, then DON'T FUCKING HAVE SEX!!!!  It's not a matter of who is trusting, it's not a matter of how much you drank, it's not a matter of being in the heat of the's a matter of being able to take responsibility of your own actions.
You are NOT brave for going through this because YOU FUCKED UP.  People telling you that you are brave are ignorant assholes.  You seem to have a very good support system that strokes your ego when needed.
Please stop asking for people to support you for money for you AIDS walk.  Why don't you do your part for the fight against AIDS by STOP SPREADING IT! 
That is someone's kid.  That is someone's best friend.  And while I understand you too are these things... you then UNDERSTAND first hand what it feels like.  Fuck you for being the asshole that may take this person away from them. 
EVERYONE has struggles.  Everyone has addictions.  Everyone has moral obligations.  YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL.  You ARE NOT brave.
What you did was wrong.  What you did is, in my opinion, unforgivable.  You want to live a Buddist way of life, then I think you have some atonement for you actions.
Unfriend. Block. You are no longer welcome in my life.

Thursday, April 29, 2010


Holy Monkey...  Please stop asking me to vote for you cutest kid every 5 minutes.  Please stop sending me messages.  It's annoying and makes me want like the picture just so I can unlike it.  Maybe your 9768234569876 friends don't want to have to deal with the 9768234569875 notifications that will surely follow as the people who finally DO like you picture will feel obligated to say stupid shit like: "OMG she is soooo cute!"  or "What a fun pic!" or "Just getting around to voting!  You know I think she's the cutest ever!"
What's more, what the hell kind of standard are you setting this child up for?  She's not good enough if she doesn't win a cutest baby contest?  Are you fucking kidding me?  You can't even use the standard excuse that pageant mom's use... "Oh it's money to send her to college." (WHATEVER!)
Posting one announcement is fine.  Let people know.  But DUDE, STOP posting something every hour on the hour and sending messages to those who haven't voted.  Get a clue.  I AM NOT VOTING FOR YOUR CHILD THAT YOU ARE PIMPING OUT!

PS if you do this, you will be hidden and possibly unfriended... shit like this makes me want to hit things.

Thursday, March 25, 2010


I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaate the term "nesting." Though I guess it IS easier than saying, "Oh shit. This baby is coming any day now and I have done nothing at all to prepare for him/her. Better get my ass in gear."

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Spring fever!

I am really hoping that the nice weather is here to stay!!!!!! But I'm not looking forward to the bugs. And the weekly need to mow the lawn and trim the jasmine.

Ah well. Small price to pay. Bring on the nice weather!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Democrat. Left-wing. Liberal. Dirty.

I'd be surprised to find anyone who freely admits that they believe EVERY SINGLE THING their "party" stands for. I certainly do not, but I identify more with one side than the other.

I won't lie and say that I LIKE to support useless pieces of shit who can help themselves but opt not to. There are plenty of people deserving of assistance who actually work hard non-stop at trying to improve their situations... legally, honorably... instead of constantly sitting back and taking handouts like they deserve them more than the hard-working unfortunate. OH and complaining about all the things they DON'T have.

I won't lie and say that I WANT to be (how are you people putting it?) "penalized" by having to pay for the health care of the intentionally and voluntarily unhealthy. But what about people who can't say, "Well, at least I have my health"?? Those born with or whom acquire conditions that are ultimately considered "pre-existing"? It ain't their fault... and they need help too. The fuckers who knowingly chip away at their own lives usually live longer than the ones who do "everything right" yet end up with bad (and even terminal) health issues. Figures, of course.

I'm pro-life for myself. GASP!!!! What a traitor!! But politically, socially, I am pro-choice. Just because I wouldn't make the choice doesn't mean I don't think other women don't deserve the right to choose for themselves. Of course, then there are people who use abortion as a form of birth control which I take issue with (even though it IS their "choice")... educate yourself, assholes. There are other options. And then there are the people who use children as their free pass (money... handouts... the more kids, the more help) and I take issue with them too. You can't afford to buy food this week? Then YES, have a child. Bring a child into that mess. Bring a few! Good parenting! I have a few ideas about what should be done with your reproductive system.

Don't talk to me about same-sex marriage. There are no options there. Uhhh ahem, in my opinion.

Soooooo much other stuff... the war, the environment, drugs, unions, the death penalty, the military, the budget, taxes. If the argument is good, then maybe it will provoke thought. You can stand by your beliefs and still listen to the opposition. Maybe you'll learn something. It won't make you a traitor, it won't mean you bat for the other team. It simply means you have the ability to open your mind and you recognize the fact that you don't know it all... nor do the people who feed you your "firm beliefs."

Says the girl who will not argue about same-sex marriage... *giggle*

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Ruff! Ruff! ROUGH!!

Obama's been in office for a year. Everyone is barking at him (shockingly) about this so-called 'change' that he has been promising.

Have you ever tried to lose weight? Maybe take on some overtime (or another job) to make and save some more money? Perhaps you have elected to invest in some huge home improvement projects, or maybe you even chose to build a new house?

Those things are hard, right? They take commitment, perseverance, time, effort, patience. And it's a while before you see the end result (which can we please all agree that the end result is the most noticeable one?). And you are one little measly person. Well. Maybe not little or measly. But one person, anyway.

The country has about three hundred million people. Right?

I'm just sayin'.

I ain't no psychic, but I would guess that if McCain were in office instead of Obama, we wouldn't be witnessing huge end results yet either. And yes, I am sure the anti-McCains and/or pro-Obamas would be crying about it and bitching about it and saying all of their eloquent "I told ya so!"s just like you (you know who you are) are doing now.

It's been a year, assholes. Three hundred million people, assholes. One year. And the job is a big one. Some might even argue that he has to first correct "someone else's" job before he could officially be considered making progress in his own right.

Shut up.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


you are going to be an asshole that thinks we should be sending money to our own country instead of haiti then:
  • stop overpopulating our country
  • take the money you would use to have that 7 millionth kid and instead support an american citizen
  • volunteer daily in your community to end homelessness, fight hunger, educate people
  • sale your house and move into a smaller one
  • don't buy new clothes and donate the the money saved to a homeless shelter
  • go live in a third world country with your7 million children and don't ask for help when a horrible disaster hits you
  • drink tainted water and turn off all electricity and open all the windows
  • don't complain
  • stop watching tv and eating shit and teach your fucking children to volunteer locally
  • go on a mission trip with your family to build a community with habitat for humanity
  • stop bitching
you want to help this country, which i agree needs help, shut the fuck up and stop posting shit on your facebook and go DO something about it.  being a jerk does nothing.  stirring up controversy only solidifies the nagging thought in the back of my mind that my life is so much better now that you are not a part of it.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Shut your FACEbook

  • I know someone who had/has cancer and I support efforts to find a cure.
  • I support relief efforts for Haiti and will contribute in my own way
  • I know someone who has experienced/is experiencing fertility issues (loss)
  • I have the greatest kid(s) on Earth
  • I love my mother and think she is the best mother ever to exist, and I thank her
  • I have an incredible husband. He is the greatest!
... and so on.

My mother, husband, and kid(s) are the greatest. They don't need a Facebook status update to convince them of that fact (and those who know them don't need a Facebook status update to know that it's the truth). I know plenty of people who suffer from infertility. I'm sure they're not enthused about having that reminder smattered all over Facebook on a daily basis. I encourage efforts to assist the unfortunate people in Haiti and those suffering from cancer. I highly doubt the Facebook gods are tallying the number of status updates they see regarding each, and then reaching into their wallets to contribute to each fund.

Zip it already!! I may go ballistic if I continue to see these status updates posted. I wonder what "postal" looks like on a Facebook wall?? I guess we just might find out...