Friday, October 29, 2010

Full of yourself.

Look, people. NO ONE loves YOU, your kids, your new car, your life like you do. Sure, you're nice. Sure, your kids are cute. But you are (and you should be) the one who is the most interested. Please don't assume the rest of the world cares as much as you do.

One of the (many) things that makes me crazy is people who shove photo albums, digital cameras, phones in your face filled with pictures of their kids. Uhhhh. Okay. Yes. Please, I'd like to spend this time right now looking at pictures of KIDS. And even better, looking at pics of kids that ARE NOT MINE. Get that shit out of my face STAT. If I (pretend to) want to see them I will politely lie to you and gush with the most genuinely fake "Awww!"s and "Soooo cute!"s that I can muster up. And I'll live with it because I'M the one feigning interest. But if I don't ask to see them or I turn away the second I see you obnoxiously shove your pictures in someone else's face, then get that shit out of MY face.

At the very least, post your pics in a place that people can voluntarily see them (or not) at their own discretion and at a time that is most convenient to them. I actually enjoy looking at some friends' FB pictures! I voluntarily visit the pages, albums, blogs, and posts of people I like and I truly enjoy getting a look into their lives that way. So do it that way. Let people come to YOU.

By the way, the people I am talking about here (you know who you are) are the same people who comment on pictures of their own kids on other people's FBs but NEVER comment on anyone else's kids. Like, would it kill you to say "What a sweet picture!" about someone other than yourself or your own children? Meanwhile, other people say nice things about your kids. YOU can't say anything nice about anyone but yourself. SELF-INDULGENT, SELF-CENTERED people. You suck.

PS: Disclaimer: This post is about a very specific type of person. And for the record, I am not evil (contrary to popular opinion)-- I DO like to look at pictures of other people, their houses, their vacations, their kids, their haircuts, etc. I really do! Just not when they are SHOVED in my face, and especially not when these same obnoxious shovers can't/don't bother commenting on anyone else's pictures. Like, the "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MY KIDS! Who cares about you and yours" people. YOU SUCK.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Just cause kids eat free...

Doesn't mean that this is an open invitation for a free for all.  There are other patrons in the joint.  Not all kids are as crazy as yours.  And when you get in line, MAYBE you know what to order and not turn around, look at the crowd behind you and say, "Wow, we beat the crowd."  NO asshole, you are CAUSING the crowd because you are IDIOTS.  And, by the way, while we are at it, the ABSOLUTE WRONG thing to say to me AFTER your kid has picked up an empty beer container and SMASHED it into the ground throwing shards of glass DANGEROUSLY close to my kid, is, "Oh , did my kid do that?"  WHAT?!?!  Am I your nanny?  AM I SUPPOSED to be watching YOUR child?  And after it happens is it REALLY MY responsibility to make sure your child, who by the way is still horsing around and laughing, and quite frankly, is thinking of doing it all over again, doesn't STEP into the broken glass and have to ASK him to MOVE so the VERY efficient staff of the eatery can come clean up the mess YOUR kids made.  And after ALL this, shouldn't YOU make sure your wild ass kid sits his ass down and eats quietly instead of running all over the place almost hitting people in the head with his balloon sword.
Rest assured, you are an idiot and your children are THOSE children.  Please consider keeping them at home on the next kids eat free night... really.