Sunday, August 31, 2014

Facebook... selfies

I feel like I purge a lot about Facebook (if not, I THINK a lot of nasty things about it). I love it; I love the ability to take a little glance at a bunch of people. I mean, I probably truly care about 5% of my "friends" max, but at some point I'm sure I gave a shit about the other 95%, at least a little bit. So it's nice to have access to a "snapshot" of these people, whether I want it or not.

HOWEVER... you fucking selfie people! I'm not talking about the people who jump in a cute selfie picture WITH A FRIEND. And I'm not talking about the occasional solo selfie (for whatever reason... because you think you look beautiful-- 99% of the actual reason to take a selfie, yet .000001% of the admitted reason-- or anything else).

I'm talking about you people who CONSTANTLY post selfies because YOU LOVE YOURSELVES. Now, first of all, let me get this out of the way: good for you for loving yourself. More people could stand to love themselves; I think the world would be a happier place. Maybe you've been dieting or working out and the results are showing and you're proud. Be proud, by all means!

But if you love yourself and CONSTANTLY (I'm talking constantly... one of my "friends" posted FOUR selfies in the last hour alone) post selfies, EMBRACE IT, OWN IT...


Don't pretend you're posting a picture of your kids (in the background, as you sit there looking sultry in the foreground). Don't pretend you want your FB "friends'" opinions of your necklace. Don't pretend you're showing off your new shoes (here's a hint: a close-up of your shoes would give us all a better look... not a selfie from the roots of your hair, wayyy down your body in your hot pants... finally ending at a pinky-nail sized picture of your hooves). Don't pretend you're sending everyone "Holiday greetings!" by posting a close up of your made-up, creepy-unnaturally-white-teeth face. How is your FACE a holiday greeting? And what about you people who post "weekend activity" selfies? A close up of your fucking head... again... with the post "Heading out to (insert concert/bar/beach here)? I don't see any musicians/drinks/sand in your pictures. If you're telling me you're heading to the beach, I WANT TO SEE THE BEACH. Not your face.

Look. Just admit it. Why doesn't anyone ever say "Holy fuck, I look SO HOT today!" or "Check out my incredible rack..." or "Have you seen this ass?" We all know that's what you're thinking. We all know. We ALL know you are totally in love and smitten and turned on by yourself, and you are passive-aggressively trying to rope the rest of us in (and don't get me started on the idiots who fall for it-- because there ALWAYS exists as least one-- "Damn girl, you look great!").

Look... it's bad enough you do it, but worse that you hide behind your stupid excuses for doing it. Own it. Admit it! Or just... back away from the Facebook.

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