WTF

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck fuck fuck
What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck fuck fuck
What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck fuck fuck
What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Oh what the fuck fuck fuck

Facebook... selfies

I feel like I purge a lot about Facebook (if not, I THINK a lot of nasty things about it). I love it; I love the ability to take a little glance at a bunch of people. I mean, I probably truly care about 5% of my "friends" max, but at some point I'm sure I gave a shit about the other 95%, at least a little bit. So it's nice to have access to a "snapshot" of these people, whether I want it or not.

HOWEVER... you fucking selfie people! I'm not talking about the people who jump in a cute selfie picture WITH A FRIEND. And I'm not talking about the occasional solo selfie (for whatever reason... because you think you look beautiful-- 99% of the actual reason to take a selfie, yet .000001% of the admitted reason-- or anything else).

I'm talking about you people who CONSTANTLY post selfies because YOU LOVE YOURSELVES. Now, first of all, let me get this out of the way: good for you for loving yourself. More people could stand to love themselves; I think the world would be a happier place. Maybe you've been dieting or working out and the results are showing and you're proud. Be proud, by all means!

But if you love yourself and CONSTANTLY (I'm talking constantly... one of my "friends" posted FOUR selfies in the last hour alone) post selfies, EMBRACE IT, OWN IT...

A-D-M-I-T
I-T.

Don't pretend you're posting a picture of your kids (in the background, as you sit there looking sultry in the foreground). Don't pretend you want your FB "friends'" opinions of your necklace. Don't pretend you're showing off your new shoes (here's a hint: a close-up of your shoes would give us all a better look... not a selfie from the roots of your hair, wayyy down your body in your hot pants... finally ending at a pinky-nail sized picture of your hooves). Don't pretend you're sending everyone "Holiday greetings!" by posting a close up of your made-up, creepy-unnaturally-white-teeth face. How is your FACE a holiday greeting? And what about you people who post "weekend activity" selfies? A close up of your fucking head... again... with the post "Heading out to (insert concert/bar/beach here)? I don't see any musicians/drinks/sand in your pictures. If you're telling me you're heading to the beach, I WANT TO SEE THE BEACH. Not your face.

Look. Just admit it. Why doesn't anyone ever say "Holy fuck, I look SO HOT today!" or "Check out my incredible rack..." or "Have you seen this ass?" We all know that's what you're thinking. We all know. We ALL know you are totally in love and smitten and turned on by yourself, and you are passive-aggressively trying to rope the rest of us in (and don't get me started on the idiots who fall for it-- because there ALWAYS exists as least one-- "Damn girl, you look great!").

Look... it's bad enough you do it, but worse that you hide behind your stupid excuses for doing it. Own it. Admit it! Or just... back away from the Facebook.

Parenthood

The movie = brilliant

The television show = ludicrous

(The job = best ever)

Watch your kids!

I went to the park this week with my family. We brought my son's baseball gear to play a little and practice some skills. He wanted to play but my daughter did not, so she and I played "hide and seek" while my husband and son played some baseball.

Meanwhile, three little kids... probably 8, 4, 2 years old... kind of, well, adopted us. The older boy stared longingly at my boys while they played ball (until he finally begin to play), and the younger two began to hound me to play hide and seek with us, and to help them reach the monkey bars, and to catch them when they jumped, and to hold their sweaters...

This doesn't usually bug me. I mean... I generally love kids. Generally. Like, the concept in general. I really do! But admittedly, I am usually indifferent at best to other people's kids (unless I really know them/their parents). So I guess as it gets more specific, I'm indifferent. Kids are kids and they're usually cute and innocent and bah blah blah. I like the children of my friends, and the friends of my children. I'm "meh" about stranger kids but naturally take a bit more of an interest once they start interacting/playing with my kids.

But I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE being the "playmate" of stranger kids. I loathe it. I am happy to play with my children, and then a few others in like a one-kid radius of that... but stranger kids who rope me into some sort of game or activity really kind of bug me.

Now... add into that a mom who is sitting mere inches away, nose in her iPad, not even pretending to pay attention or care what her kids are doing. Sure, she could be researching a cure for cancer. Sure. Or she could be instant messaging with a friend who just got a divorce and needs a cyber-shoulder to cry on. SURE. But I don't think that's what was happening.

I GET THE NEED TO GO TO A PARK AND LET YOUR KIDS JUST PLAY IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE INVOLVEMENT OR INTERACTION BY YOU SO YOU CAN READ PEOPLE MAGAZINE ONLINE. I do! Believe me, I do. I think I might have invented that need, actually. But it's not MY job to give you your "solo park time." It's not MY job to entertain your kids, to play with them, to help them on the monkey bars, to hold their sweaters! I'm happy to do it a little... maybe once or twice. "It takes a village" and all, I know... so I AM a bit happy to help... But come on. I'm a stranger after all. And I have kids of my own. And I'M NOT YOUR BABYSITTER.

So look up every once in a while. Check on your kids. Make sure they're happy. Make sure they're still there for crying out loud. And please... if you see your kids ya know, INCESSANTLY HOUNDING ME, please intervene.

HELP! Help?

You know when people try to "help" you... and that "help" simply makes more work than if they didn't "help"? That makes me bonkers.

I mean... it's one thing when it's your kids "helping." You know, folding laundry for you-- and by "folding laundry," I mean UNfolding the already-folded laundry and crumpling it up and shoving it in the toy box or the cabinet that holds the pots and pans... raking with you-- and by "raking," I actually DO mean RAKING; however, they rake the pine straw (that has already been raked and put into a nice, neat pile, ready for bagging) and spread it all over the yard so it looks suspiciously exactly like it looked before it was raked to begin with... cooking with you-- and by "cooking," I mean eating almost every ingredient and then mixing whatever is left (always seems to include flour) so violently that it turns your kitchen into a really pretty snow globe of food...

You catch my drift. That shit is kind of unbelievably fucking annoying adorable. No, really, it is.

But how about adults? Ya know, when they offer to help, and you say no (or maybe you actually give them a suggestion! which they promptly ignore) and they do what they want anyway that they "think would help" and they make the job for difficult, drawn out, annoying, time-consuming or difficult altogether.

¡Ayúdeme!

Hieeee! 'member me?

Hello my fabulous followers! Oh. I mean my fabulous follower? Oh. Maybe I mean myself. I might be talking to myself. Am I the only one who reads this blog? Meh, oh well. I could do worse. I'm a REALLY good listener...

It's been almost two years (to the day!) since my last post. Know why? It's because EVERYTHING HAS BEEN SO WONDERFUL AND PERFECT AND LOVELY AND BEAUTIFUL for the last two years! That's right-- every day has been filled with sunshine, rainbows, kittens, Hershey kisses, sleeping late, nights out with friends, soft green grass, picnics, date nights, and six-pack abs!

Liar.

Ugh. Fuck. I forgot that the ONE (and only) detriment to talking to yourself is that you can rarely get away with lies.

Anyway, I haven't purged in two years. I mean... not here. I HAVE PURGED in many other ways but I am trying to shift that focus back here to this place where negativity loves company. I want it away from the good in my life. So...

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!

Fuck this

Something's gotta give.

Freeloaders.

I am here because I wanted to c/p the blog URL for a friend (welcome back, J!) and I started reading some of this stuff. This is all such fabulous stupidity. But I love it so!!

Here's a thought that has crossed my mind (a million times over the past handful of years). Maybe I have even blogged about it already. Who knows. I can't be bothered searching through the posts to find out (I really need to start labeling)...

I am a Democrat but, like many Democrats, have more than one shining Republican opinion/characteristic. Maybe I should say liberal/conservative? Whatthefuckever.

Here is the shining R/c characteristic I choose to share today: I HATE FREELOADERS. I have no problem with people who get assistance... NO problem... as long as they are legitimately and consistently trying to help themselves and to help better their specific situations. But if they are just sucking the rest of us dry whilst sitting on their entitled, lazy, waste-of-life asses, they should be chopped up and sold for parts.

At least then they'd be contributing.

Have a great day!

I'm still new to this, so...

SOMEONE please tell me... is it totally unreasonable to expect a 4.5-year-old to CALM the fuck DOWN when asked? For at LEAST one whole minute after said request was made?

a letter. to you.

dear people who know who they are (or worse, people who don't),

i do not have to explain, defend, or justify the choices i make in my life. not about work, not about breakfast, not about the color of my socks or the shows i watch(ed back when i could watch tv).

you don't like my choices? you don't have to! mind your own business (novel concept), make your own choices and keep your nosey, self-righteous, egocentric, indulgent ass out of my way. because all you're doing is pissing me off to the point where i have to purge about it and you know what? i don't have fucking time for this.

love ya! mean it!
k

OH MY FREAKIN' GOD....

I seriously cannot tolerate people right now.  Well, just certain people.... that happened to be related to me...by marriage (though some of the ones not related by marriage aren't winning points either... but another post for another day...) I get SO pissed off at people that have a history of heart disease and then are shocked and surprised when they end up BACK in the hospital with congestive heart failure when they have done NOTHING to keep this from happening.  Not liking vegetables or, you know, not walking around the fucking block WILL send you back to the hospital.  And seriously, how long will your employers continue to pay for your bad health choices.  WHILE we are at it, living with a woman that has missed more days at work than having attended due to flu and other ailments...and NOW is having to apply for medical leave in order to not have to resign, due to high blood pressure, borderline diabetes, and numerous other health issues (obesity included) is all well and good...but take a hint.  It is not because jobs are too stressful, it is because you CHOOSE to eat poorly and CHOOSE not to walk or get ANY exercise, so take a fucking hint and MOVE YOUR ASS!  sigh.
AND ANOTHER THING, getting knocked up by a 34 year old when you are 20 and he wants nothing to do with you, IS NOT A TEST FROM GOD....IT IS STUPIDITY IN DECISION MAKING.  Saying that this is an ACTUAL pregnancy and not some desperate attempt to convince said boy (cause that IS what he is) to love you and take care of you, you NEED to fucking see a doctor.  You NEED to fucking file for Medicaid.  You NEED to fucking figure out what the hell you are going to do.  Since apparently college is too difficult, as you have flunked out 2 times in as many years.   One hopes that he Dollar General sees fit to keep you on.  And no, going to work when you feel like shit is no fun, but you get ZERO sympathy from me.   And again, this is not God testing you, so stop blaming a higher power for your idiocy.
Now, to concentrate on my blood pressure coming back down from the stress of this week.

Gun. Head.

So because I am resourceful (and fairly technologically savvy), I know who reads this blog. I know who, how, when, where, and I can probably guess why. And while it's embarrassing to be throwing f-bombs around when not everyone is the f-bomb-throwing-type (a big "sorry" specifically to my/D's families), I must remind myself that this is my space to barf out all this hatred and anger and aggression so that I don't let it get out in my house, around my family, around my friends. Uhh. I'm not always successful at that last part, but believe it or not, I do try.

So if you are a reader and you don't like what you see, I would suggest you stop reading. I know, I know... it's like a train wreck and you can't help but look. But then realize that you are electing to wade in my shit... I'm not forcing you here.

You'll find me here on the bad days. I am very lucky in that this blog doesn't illustrate the overriding theme of my life... I have a great life. No one better than the three people who live here with me. No one! I am humbled by the thought of them every day.

But I still get all in my head and make myself berserk every once in a while. I am the type-A, high stress, anxious type, yes. I have good days and bad days like everyone else (well... like the honest people who can admit that life isn't always sunshine and rainbows). And this is the place I go on the bad days, when the monster needs to breathe.  Thankfully it's not too often. And the rest of the time I am talking to myself in my "happy place" (a very select few know what I mean).

You can call me what you want, but I'm a realist. Life could be worse-- YES! So ridiculously worse. But sometimes I hold pity parties and at those pity parties I obsessively think about how much "better" life can be. Not perfect... just perfect to me.

This week's been rough. It has reminded me that I have a lot of self-improvement to work on this year. I have a lot of getting over myself to do. That's my business. Why don't you work a little on getting over yourself too? Last I heard, no one is perfect.

oh grow the fuck up...

sigh.  stop lying.  if you don't want to breast feed, just say it.  don't lie and say you were unable to.  if you don't want to do cloth diapers, just say so, don't blame your husband.  and for god's sake, if you aren't going to try these things DO NOT ask others to supply you with formula and diapers because you CANNOT possibly afford all this AND have a toddler.  IF you knew all this BEFORE you got pregnant, then, um why?  AND while we are at it... you need to report that you are married and suck it up like the rest of us married people that, you know, don't lie.  we ALL are having problems with money.  so if you didn't get the memo that mom's are overworked and underslept (yes i know it's not a word) then maybe, just maybe you should have stopped at one because NO ONE FEELS SORRY FOR YOU!  in fact, all of this pretty much makes you a super huge gigantic mega selfish bitch.
AND FURTHERMORE don't fucking post about all the furniture you HAVE to buy for new baby and all the things you HAVE (that you bought...we KNOW you did) for your NEW playroom...AND THEN complain about no money.  GROW THE FUCK UP!

FUCK YOUUUUUU

i just went to edit my god post and deleted it by accident. HEEEE HEEEEEE maybe god made me do it.

anyway, i'll just get to the point because i'm afraid of getting hit by lightning or whatever. if god doesn't give you anything you can't handle, explain suicide.

Classic middle child

I am ready for my turn now. Everyone gets help. A lot of it. All the time. I need it too. I exist too.

Gross.

I hate it when people refer to kids as "delicious." It's just gross to me.

wordy

OH MY GOD, WITH THE 577645343456790890908656453456789-WORD-LONG FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Step away from the computer...

OH. MY. GOD.

People who can't spell or put together a coherent sentence/thought should NOT be allowed to post in public forums, Facebook, etc. My head aches trying to figure out the crap that some people spew. Do you seriously speak that way in real life? Is the problem between your head and your fingers, or are you simply THAT STUPID?

I am not the best communicator. I can be wordy. I make grammatical mistakes. I have plenty of misspellings. But SOME PEOPLE are just awful and should stay away from posting. Have you ever heard of punctuation?! How about a dictionary? Bill Gates even dumbs it down for you-- use spellcheck. Shiiiiit.

And This Whole Thing? Not Allowed, Not Correct, Nonsensical, What The Fuck.

Full of yourself.

Look, people. NO ONE loves YOU, your kids, your new car, your life like you do. Sure, you're nice. Sure, your kids are cute. But you are (and you should be) the one who is the most interested. Please don't assume the rest of the world cares as much as you do.

One of the (many) things that makes me crazy is people who shove photo albums, digital cameras, phones in your face filled with pictures of their kids. Uhhhh. Okay. Yes. Please, I'd like to spend this time right now looking at pictures of KIDS. And even better, looking at pics of kids that ARE NOT MINE. Get that shit out of my face STAT. If I (pretend to) want to see them I will politely lie to you and gush with the most genuinely fake "Awww!"s and "Soooo cute!"s that I can muster up. And I'll live with it because I'M the one feigning interest. But if I don't ask to see them or I turn away the second I see you obnoxiously shove your pictures in someone else's face, then get that shit out of MY face.

At the very least, post your pics in a place that people can voluntarily see them (or not) at their own discretion and at a time that is most convenient to them. I actually enjoy looking at some friends' FB pictures! I voluntarily visit the pages, albums, blogs, and posts of people I like and I truly enjoy getting a look into their lives that way. So do it that way. Let people come to YOU.

By the way, the people I am talking about here (you know who you are) are the same people who comment on pictures of their own kids on other people's FBs but NEVER comment on anyone else's kids. Like, would it kill you to say "What a sweet picture!" about someone other than yourself or your own children? Meanwhile, other people say nice things about your kids. YOU can't say anything nice about anyone but yourself. SELF-INDULGENT, SELF-CENTERED people. You suck.

PS: Disclaimer: This post is about a very specific type of person. And for the record, I am not evil (contrary to popular opinion)-- I DO like to look at pictures of other people, their houses, their vacations, their kids, their haircuts, etc. I really do! Just not when they are SHOVED in my face, and especially not when these same obnoxious shovers can't/don't bother commenting on anyone else's pictures. Like, the "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MY KIDS! Who cares about you and yours" people. YOU SUCK.

Just cause kids eat free...

Doesn't mean that this is an open invitation for a free for all.  There are other patrons in the joint.  Not all kids are as crazy as yours.  And when you get in line, MAYBE you know what to order and not turn around, look at the crowd behind you and say, "Wow, we beat the crowd."  NO asshole, you are CAUSING the crowd because you are IDIOTS.  And, by the way, while we are at it, the ABSOLUTE WRONG thing to say to me AFTER your kid has picked up an empty beer container and SMASHED it into the ground throwing shards of glass DANGEROUSLY close to my kid, is, "Oh , did my kid do that?"  WHAT?!?!  Am I your nanny?  AM I SUPPOSED to be watching YOUR child?  And after it happens is it REALLY MY responsibility to make sure your child, who by the way is still horsing around and laughing, and quite frankly, is thinking of doing it all over again, doesn't STEP into the broken glass and have to ASK him to MOVE so the VERY efficient staff of the eatery can come clean up the mess YOUR kids made.  And after ALL this, shouldn't YOU make sure your wild ass kid sits his ass down and eats quietly instead of running all over the place almost hitting people in the head with his balloon sword.
Rest assured, you are an idiot and your children are THOSE children.  Please consider keeping them at home on the next kids eat free night... really.

Doorknobs learn faster than you do.

KEEP YOUR SICK CHILD AT HOME TO GET BETTER. GIVE HIM SOME TIME TO RECOVER AND HEAL, AND KEEP HIM AND THE GODDAM FUCKING CONTAGIOUS FUCKING GERMS THE FUCK AWAY FROM EVERYONE ELSE. FUCKING SELFISH CLUELESS FUCKING IDIOT.

Just dye already.

LOL. Really? A natural blonde, huh? Riiiight. OH and obviously that was a good and responsible choice during your pregnancy. Mom of the year! But you already knew that, Debbie.

Zzzzzzzzzz...

I just have to say that the person who thinks that work-out-of-the-home parents need more sleep so that they can function at their (professional, salaried) jobs was OBVIOUSLY a work-out-of-the-home parent.

I'm not saying work-out-of-home parents don't need sufficient rest. I know that my fabulous husband needs sleep so that he can function at work. I get it. But why does "society" think that I, as a stay-at-home-mom (of a newborn AND a toddler, no less) need any less sleep to be able to function myself?

My husband is amazing. He's up at night, he's up early in the morning. He helps me, he lets ME get sleep at the expense of his own sleep. I try to be quiet when I get up at night to change and feed the baby, but inevitably, there is noise. So I know his sleep suffers. Yet still he gets up when the baby won't go back to sleep after eating, and he walks her or rocks her or holds her... so that I can sleep. He is amazing!!

But still, there are SOME PEOPLE out there who think the non-work-out-of-home parent needs less sleep. Sure. MY job is important too, and I could benefit from rest. I'M likely to get sick from lack of sleep too, you know.

I'm very lucky to be part of an incredible parenting TEAM. Still, SOCIETY always seems to have an opinion. And it seems to have found its way to me yet again. Shut it, society.

Anger

I have neglected my own blog.  I am neglecting it right now to write this.  There are much happier things in my life that deserve the kind of attention that I am giving to a situation that has been brought to my attention and it makes this hurt even more.
Sometimes I think that you can define a word better by defining what that word isn't.  For example bravery:
It is NOT brave to go out and have unprotected sex with strangers.  It is NOT brave to have said unprotected sex with strangers and NOT tell them the TRUTH about your HIV status.  It is in fact the exact opposite.
It is also NOT brave to then feel horrible about the situation and feel sorry and then blog about it to the whole wide fucking world.  It's also very much NOT OKAY.
It is not for me to judge how you live your life.  You want to be in an open relationship, that is your choice.  HOWEVER, you INFECTING others with a horrible disease. 
I'm sorry that you have HIV.  It is a horrid disease and I believe that no one deserves it.  But if you have so much shame in your life that you can not answer a LIFE and DEATH question TRUTHFULLY, then DON'T FUCKING HAVE SEX!!!!  It's not a matter of who is trusting, it's not a matter of how much you drank, it's not a matter of being in the heat of the moment...it's a matter of being able to take responsibility of your own actions.
You are NOT brave for going through this because YOU FUCKED UP.  People telling you that you are brave are ignorant assholes.  You seem to have a very good support system that strokes your ego when needed.
Please stop asking for people to support you for money for you AIDS walk.  Why don't you do your part for the fight against AIDS by STOP SPREADING IT! 
That is someone's kid.  That is someone's best friend.  And while I understand you too are these things... you then UNDERSTAND first hand what it feels like.  Fuck you for being the asshole that may take this person away from them. 
EVERYONE has struggles.  Everyone has addictions.  Everyone has moral obligations.  YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL.  You ARE NOT brave.
What you did was wrong.  What you did is, in my opinion, unforgivable.  You want to live a Buddist way of life, then I think you have some atonement for you actions.
Unfriend. Block. You are no longer welcome in my life.

STOP BEING A PIMP!!!

Holy Monkey...  Please stop asking me to vote for you cutest kid every 5 minutes.  Please stop sending me messages.  It's annoying and makes me want like the picture just so I can unlike it.  Maybe your 9768234569876 friends don't want to have to deal with the 9768234569875 notifications that will surely follow as the people who finally DO like you picture will feel obligated to say stupid shit like: "OMG she is soooo cute!"  or "What a fun pic!" or "Just getting around to voting!  You know I think she's the cutest ever!"
What's more, what the hell kind of standard are you setting this child up for?  She's not good enough if she doesn't win a cutest baby contest?  Are you fucking kidding me?  You can't even use the standard excuse that pageant mom's use... "Oh it's money to send her to college." (WHATEVER!)
Posting one announcement is fine.  Let people know.  But DUDE, STOP posting something every hour on the hour and sending messages to those who haven't voted.  Get a clue.  I AM NOT VOTING FOR YOUR CHILD THAT YOU ARE PIMPING OUT!


PS if you do this, you will be hidden and possibly unfriended... shit like this makes me want to hit things.

Nesting.

I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaate the term "nesting." Though I guess it IS easier than saying, "Oh shit. This baby is coming any day now and I have done nothing at all to prepare for him/her. Better get my ass in gear."

Spring fever!

I am really hoping that the nice weather is here to stay!!!!!! But I'm not looking forward to the bugs. And the weekly need to mow the lawn and trim the jasmine.

Ah well. Small price to pay. Bring on the nice weather!

Democrat. Left-wing. Liberal. Dirty.

I'd be surprised to find anyone who freely admits that they believe EVERY SINGLE THING their "party" stands for. I certainly do not, but I identify more with one side than the other.

I won't lie and say that I LIKE to support useless pieces of shit who can help themselves but opt not to. There are plenty of people deserving of assistance who actually work hard non-stop at trying to improve their situations... legally, honorably... instead of constantly sitting back and taking handouts like they deserve them more than the hard-working unfortunate. OH and complaining about all the things they DON'T have.

I won't lie and say that I WANT to be (how are you people putting it?) "penalized" by having to pay for the health care of the intentionally and voluntarily unhealthy. But what about people who can't say, "Well, at least I have my health"?? Those born with or whom acquire conditions that are ultimately considered "pre-existing"? It ain't their fault... and they need help too. The fuckers who knowingly chip away at their own lives usually live longer than the ones who do "everything right" yet end up with bad (and even terminal) health issues. Figures, of course.

I'm pro-life for myself. GASP!!!! What a traitor!! But politically, socially, I am pro-choice. Just because I wouldn't make the choice doesn't mean I don't think other women don't deserve the right to choose for themselves. Of course, then there are people who use abortion as a form of birth control which I take issue with (even though it IS their "choice")... educate yourself, assholes. There are other options. And then there are the people who use children as their free pass (money... handouts... the more kids, the more help) and I take issue with them too. You can't afford to buy food this week? Then YES, have a child. Bring a child into that mess. Bring a few! Good parenting! I have a few ideas about what should be done with your reproductive system.

Don't talk to me about same-sex marriage. There are no options there. Uhhh ahem, in my opinion.

Soooooo much other stuff... the war, the environment, drugs, unions, the death penalty, the military, the budget, taxes. If the argument is good, then maybe it will provoke thought. You can stand by your beliefs and still listen to the opposition. Maybe you'll learn something. It won't make you a traitor, it won't mean you bat for the other team. It simply means you have the ability to open your mind and you recognize the fact that you don't know it all... nor do the people who feed you your "firm beliefs."

Says the girl who will not argue about same-sex marriage... *giggle*

Ruff! Ruff! ROUGH!!

Obama's been in office for a year. Everyone is barking at him (shockingly) about this so-called 'change' that he has been promising.

Have you ever tried to lose weight? Maybe take on some overtime (or another job) to make and save some more money? Perhaps you have elected to invest in some huge home improvement projects, or maybe you even chose to build a new house?

Those things are hard, right? They take commitment, perseverance, time, effort, patience. And it's a while before you see the end result (which can we please all agree that the end result is the most noticeable one?). And you are one little measly person. Well. Maybe not little or measly. But one person, anyway.

The country has about three hundred million people. Right?

I'm just sayin'.

I ain't no psychic, but I would guess that if McCain were in office instead of Obama, we wouldn't be witnessing huge end results yet either. And yes, I am sure the anti-McCains and/or pro-Obamas would be crying about it and bitching about it and saying all of their eloquent "I told ya so!"s just like you (you know who you are) are doing now.

It's been a year, assholes. Three hundred million people, assholes. One year. And the job is a big one. Some might even argue that he has to first correct "someone else's" job before he could officially be considered making progress in his own right.

Shut up.

if...

you are going to be an asshole that thinks we should be sending money to our own country instead of haiti then:

• stop overpopulating our country
• take the money you would use to have that 7 millionth kid and instead support an american citizen
• volunteer daily in your community to end homelessness, fight hunger, educate people
• sale your house and move into a smaller one
• don't buy new clothes and donate the the money saved to a homeless shelter
• go live in a third world country with your7 million children and don't ask for help when a horrible disaster hits you
• drink tainted water and turn off all electricity and open all the windows
• don't complain
• stop watching tv and eating shit and teach your fucking children to volunteer locally
• go on a mission trip with your family to build a community with habitat for humanity
• stop bitching

you want to help this country, which i agree needs help, shut the fuck up and stop posting shit on your facebook and go DO something about it.  being a jerk does nothing.  stirring up controversy only solidifies the nagging thought in the back of my mind that my life is so much better now that you are not a part of it.

Shut your FACEbook

Yes...

• I know someone who had/has cancer and I support efforts to find a cure.
• I support relief efforts for Haiti and will contribute in my own way
• I know someone who has experienced/is experiencing fertility issues (loss)
• I have the greatest kid(s) on Earth
• I love my mother and think she is the best mother ever to exist, and I thank her
• I have an incredible husband. He is the greatest!

... and so on.

My mother, husband, and kid(s) are the greatest. They don't need a Facebook status update to convince them of that fact (and those who know them don't need a Facebook status update to know that it's the truth). I know plenty of people who suffer from infertility. I'm sure they're not enthused about having that reminder smattered all over Facebook on a daily basis. I encourage efforts to assist the unfortunate people in Haiti and those suffering from cancer. I highly doubt the Facebook gods are tallying the number of status updates they see regarding each, and then reaching into their wallets to contribute to each fund.

Zip it already!! I may go ballistic if I continue to see these status updates posted. I wonder what "postal" looks like on a Facebook wall?? I guess we just might find out...

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me!!!!

Some people just need that kind of attention. Maybe not enough attention was paid to them in their youth... maybe it was too much attention. Either way... it's pathetic and sad.

Uhhhh. Bipartisan-ish?

I don't care for whom you voted... what color you wear... to what "side" you lean. And this isn't a political rant. Some of you may know who my preference was for this presidency. Some of you may not. It doesn't matter, because I'm not here (today) to bitch about a choice he made or did not make, or one he'll make or won't make. I am here to bitch about the fact that it seems like the world is up in arms over this president. I've been a semi-conscious, voting adult for almost two decades and I don't remember ever hearing so many outspoken and annoying people (pro and con) over one person as I have heard over Obama.

Some people think he's great and they shove it down your throat. Thanks for playing but give it a rest because YOUR opinion won't change mine.

Some people think he's the devil (or what was it... antichrist?) and they shove it down your throat. Thanks for playing but give it a rest because YOUR opinion won't change mine.

I don't mind the banter-- I like it, actually, because personally, it helps me learn. It opens my eyes to things, perspectives, contexts that I may not have seen before. I appreciate learning through discussion and I encourage it in my life.

HOWEVER.

I can not stand you holier-than-thous who judge others so harshly on the mere basis of an opinion to which they, like you, are entitled. Isn't anyone capable of having a(n intellectual) discussion anymore without needing an audience, wanting to judge and bash, itching to start drama?

Grass is always greener...

I want to be a doctor or a lawyer, or a CPA in a Big Six firm in Manhattan, so I can have a never-ending pile of money.

I want to be on television, so I can live the glamorous life of a famous person.

I want to be self-employed, so I can come and go to work as I please.

BUT...

I don't want to work the unforgiving hours, I don't want to be on call, I don't want to hate my "awake hours," I don't want to disappear from existence for months at a time, I don't want to be hounded by fans, paparazzi, busy-bodies, I don't want to have no health insurance (or pay out-of-pocket for a ridiculous plan).

And what about you? YOU want to sit there and bitch at the teachers who are all suicidal right now because summer is over. You want to tell them to call the wahhhhmbulance, to get over it because they work until 3 every day, to shut up about their TWO-MONTH-LONG VACATION being over when poor little you sits there at your desk (gun to your head) 24 hours per day, 7 days per week, 52 weeks per year.

Yes, there are some people out there who are in the profession for the perks of the hours that they COULD keep. I know some 8-3, 10/month teachers. But most of them, myself included (so most of US) work our ASSES off every day during the school year. We get in early, we stay late. We have work to bring home. We have weekend commitments (unpaid of course... we don't get "overtime") that might not always be "required," but are "highly recommended" to attend. We teach (and/or work other jobs) over the summer and sometimes even DURING the school year to make up for the SHITTY salary that we earn doing our 24/7 job all year long.

We are psychologists, referees, social workers, telemarketers, administrative assistants, tech support, parent figures, decorators, custodians, accountants, salespeople, advocates, mediators, waiters/waitresses, doctors, event planners, personal trainrs, confidantes, MCs, public speakers, conductors, PR reps... oh. And teachers. We teach. Yes, sometimes we actually get to the teaching part.

I hope for a good school year for my friends and former colleagues-- the teachers who work eighteen months' worth in the ten months that they're "on the clock." You deserve that vacation. Complain all you want. And the judgmental rest of you? Shut the fuck up until you've walked in a teacher's shoes.

OH! And you're welcome.

Nancy Pants

I can't stand Nancy Botwin. I hate her stupid skinny ass, her annoying halter top mini-dresses, her incessant sucking on the fucking iced coffee. I hate her lazy, disgusting sense of entitlement to live the life she grew accustomed to before the death of her husband. He died, bitch. Get an actual job. Become a contributing member of society. Don't jump on his drug-dealing bandwagon and walk into that world like you own it. You deserve to get tortured, imprisoned, "picked off."

Normally, I wouldn't care about someone like her. There are plenty of dirty, lazy, entitled and disgusting drug dealers out there (Karma will get them... or someone they love). They affect us all-- make no mistake about it. But that's not really my problem with Nance.

She has children. Two of them. That right there makes her lifestyle unforgivable. How she (or any drug-dealing parent) can look at herself in the mirror and really believe-- or pretend to believe-- that she is doing the best thing she can for her kids is beyond me. Disgusting. The definition of disgusting.

She also doesn't seem to have any problem with the fact that her children are now knee-deep in the shit that is her world. They know what she does, and she doesn't seem affected at all. She voluntarily admits, in front of her children, to lighting her house on fire. She nods indifferently when her 12-year-old son tells a friend that she (Nancy) offed her own mother-in-law. No remorse. None for herself (who cares?) and NONE for her children. Disgusting.

Well done, Mary Louise! You play that part so well that I actually think I might hate you!

But I enjoy the show. Ugh.

Blaming your child?

You're disgusting, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Knowing your kind though, I'm sure you're not. DISGUSTING.

Signal?

So, are we just not signaling on the roads anymore? Is that what I am to believe is happening?

Eww!

Creepy pageant kids! And their creepier parents!! Ewww!

GIVE ME A GODDAM BREAK!

...and that's an order.

Locks of Love

Isn't it true that bottle blonds (and/or those who use bleaching agents in their hair) can't donate their hair?

I'm just sayin'...

My throat is sore.

Uhhhh.

Just because you have a sore throat and I have a sore throat does NOT mean our throats are the same level of sore, or that we have to handle the soreness the same, or that we have the same KIND of sore throat, or that we have the same sore throat diagnosis, or that we are prescribed the same sore throat medication, or that our throats will stay sore for the same amount of time, and so on.

We're different. Everything is different. That is ALL I want to hear about it.

Disconnect.

Can we all please come to some sort of universal agreement on WHO calls WHOM back when a phone call gets disconnected? Otherwise we could sit here all day and both dial one another's numbers over and over only to end up with busy signals and immediate voicemail entry. If I accidentally hang up on (or get disconnected from) YOU, then I will call YOU back. If you accidentally hang up on (or get disconnected from) ME, then YOU call ME back. OK? Are we straight?

And if the disconnects are not accidental, well... that's a whole new blog entry.

Secret secret... I've got a secret!

Do you have someone you can confide in? Someone who won't share your "secrets," who won't go blabbing your words to others?

Do the people you talk to have loyalties to you?

... are you sure?

Social(ly inept) Networking

Hi! Happy 2009! Lovely weather we're having!

So, I have to say. I LOVE the "I am mad at you so I am deleting you from my Social Networking group friend list" phenomenon. I am not talking about people who prune their friend lists (I myself wonder why I need 365 FB friends when I certainly don't really care about, or have interest in, even half that many). I'm talking about the people who are your "friends" (or at worst, acquaintances) one day and then very specifically target and delete you the next. You know. Because they're mad at you and I guess it's... therapeutic?

I am not going to preach saying how appalled I am at people who do that considering I have "blocked" a few people before (like Debbie and Debbie, who like to have public conversations about specific things and they never think anyone is smart enough to catch on... personally, I am just not into that kind of "show" so I would rather not involuntarily see it), but I AM going to laugh heartily at it. Laugh with me!

It happened to me today! AGAIN! This person (Debbie... obviously) has been lingering on my FB friend list since the Mama Drama last year. I didn't delete her because I am on a lifelong quest to attempt to take the high road at least once in my life. So there she hung... surfacing every once in a while, enough to make me wonder why she is STILL THERE. She did, after all, delete me from her MS over a year ago. Take that, Kristie! Nanny nanny poo poo!

And then she saw me at the parade this past weekend. And then she emailed a friend of mine and alluded to the "drama." And then she attempted to join a FB group I started a LONG time ago (before the implosion). And when I messaged her reminding her who I was and explaining to her that she was clearly in the wrong place, she replied in her body-snatcher kind of way, inviting me to contact her if I ever needed to. And then she deleted me from her friend list.

Therapy!

Have a great day!

Better Things

2008 is almost over! It was a good year for so many reasons, and a bad year for many reasons as well. To be totally honest, it was probably the worst year in a long, long time (if not ever) for me, and I am content to see it go. If this is the worst I see, then I am very grateful!

I am thrilled that 2009 is right around the corner. I know it has great things in store! I can feel it! That's not to say I won't have things (or people, LOL) to complain about on occasion. So the blog will remain intact for... SOME... of that. You people don't get to know ALL of my feelings/secrets. ;)

Anyway, this is my last post of 2008, and it's very genuinely dedicated to EVERYONE (but a few people in particular... and I have a feeling they know who they are). Happy new year! Love ya! Mean it! And I hope tomorrow, you find better things.

Here's wishin you the bluest sky

And hoping something better comes tomorrow

Hoping all the verses rhyme,

And the very best of choruses to

Follow all the doubt and sadness

I know that better things are on the way.

Here's hoping all the days ahead

Won't be as bitter as the ones behind you

Be an optimist instead,

And somehow happiness will find you.

Forget what happened yesterday,

I know that better things are on their way.

It's really good to see you rocking out

And having fun,

Living like you just begun.

Accept your life and what it brings.

I hope tomorrow you'll find better things.

I know tomorrow you'll find better things.

Here's wishin you the bluest sky

And hoping something better comes tomorrow

Hoping all the verses rhyme,

And the very best of choruses to

Follow all the drudge and sadness

I know that better things are on the way.

I know you've got a lot of good things happening up ahead.

The past is gone, it's all been said.

So here's to what the future brings,

I know tomorrow you'll find better things.

I know tomorrow you'll find better things.

A good day, but it'll be better after this.

Seagulls. You stink! I know you have to eat too but we were trying to feed the ducks. And you are vicious (and LOUD)! There was plenty to go around... you didn't have to beat up on the ducks so much. Jeez.

Mosquitos. Seriously? You're still here? It's winter! Get the hell outta here and stop trying to bite me through my THICK Bronx Science sweatshirt. You ain't gettin' nothing but lint that way. Idiots.

Finally... the tire swing. I love you, tire swing. And so does my son! But gone are the days of being able to spin really fast and being able to do all those crazy rides without feeling like I am going to puke up my Thanksgiving (2007) meal. I am getting OLD!

I feel better! I mean, I'm still nauseous and all, but... I'm better in every other way. :)

Seriously?

Can I ask you what happens between when a doctor leaves one examining room to go to the next? Why is it that it takes two hours for a doctor visit when there don't seem to be THAT many people at the office? I know there are charts to fill out and whatnot (a bunch of other totally acceptable things) but seriously... TWO HOURS for a 5-minute interaction with the doctor? Seriously?

GObama!

This is a place for negativity. So... what can I write, really? ;)

Shit on this!

I was once accused of "shitting on" a bunch of people. I won't spend any more time on that quote (or the filth that said it) but I will spend a little more time on this one: "You reap what you sow."

I have met a lot of (genuinely) bad people in my life, unfortunately. And I don't know that any of them set goals to be bad people. At least, I hope they didn't. I would hope that no one would "strive" to be bad.

I wonder if the bad ones know deep down inside (or maybe not "deep" as many are incredibly shallow) that they are bad?

You reap what you sow.

Multiple personalities...

Can I ask you something? Is everyone different online compared to IRL (in real life)?

Ugh. Parents!

They... WE... can be so annoying. And awful! Not all of them (us), but...

I can't stand holier-than-thous who feel like they can judge others. I think we all do it on occasion, but can we all agree... it's just not right? Some people may be (or be doing) blatantly stupid (things), but we're all human, not one moreso than another (well...) and who do we think we are, standing there being judgmental?

Yet, I judged today. Twice. I tried to just keep my thoughts in the "opinion" arena, but I got worked up. Here we go. I'll try to be as succinct as possible, but it's not always easy for me. You know.

Situation number 1:
We were hanging around the festival activities. There was some sort of car show going on. A man was "camping out" at the car show-- cooler, koozies, and all-- and he was yapping away to his friends/family. I suspected he was chemically imabalanced, but that shouldn't matter.

Here's the conversation/"reenactment" as best I can remember:

• Man (pointing to a young boy, maybe 13, behind him): "Guess who was suspended last week? And guess why?
• Friend (laughing): Fighting!
• Man: FIGHTING! Well, defending himself.
• Man goes over to boy (the one who was suspended) and high-fives him. Boy smiles, proudly.
• A woman (the boy's mom?) says something indiscernible (plus, I don't remember the details of the parts that I did clearly hear), but it's clear that she is laughing and high-fiving right along. Or maybe she's doing one of those "I PROMISE I don't approve *giggle*" eyerolls.
  
• Friend: What did he hit?
• Man: He didn't hit low enough! HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAA... etc.

I don't know what happened after that. We left. We were leaving anyway, but even if we had no plans to leave, I would have insisted on it. I certainly didn't want to catch anything, in case that "anything" was contagious. Ugh.

That's the kind of kid who would end up in my classroom. And I'd have a field day breaking him... breaking what the parents built...

Then again, I have been called a blowhard (you know)... so take it with a grain of salt. But please feel sorry for the kid. I hate to say he doesn't stand a chance with parents like that, but then again, I only got part of the story. Sigh.

Situation number 2:
We're walking through the "kid section" at the festivities today. There were a few little girls scattered around, all dressed up. I guess they were performing-- dancers, singers, etc. We got stuck behind a woman with two young girls. I assume the woman was the mother (yes, I know what happens when you assume). The girls were probably 8 or 9 years old (at most), both dressed up in some sort of costume/recital/performance gear. One was dressed as a princess; she was wearing a long, flowing, white and silver outfit with a cute little crown. Adorable!! The other girl... was dressed like a whore.

I'm sorry. I know that is vulgar. But I don't know how else to describe this outfit. It was black, silver, and red... dotted with bling... fishnet stockings complete with the line up the back of the leg... bikini top (fully revealed midriff) and a skirt that didn't even cover her little 9-year-old rear-end. Even the puff of ruffles on her rear ("Hey! Look here!! Ruffles!!" Ew.) didn't help. That's right... I saw cheek!!!! I could not believe it.

I don't know what kind of parent would let their child dress that way (even as a costume!), and I don't know what kind of parent would support violence in their child. I understand the need to stand up for yourself, and I fully support the efforts parents make (within reason) to help their children in that regard. And I fully support hobbies and extracurricular activities, as well as exercise, such as dancing or performing in some way (I'm not a fan, personally, of pageant parents/kids though... but that's another post). I just think that both of the children used as examples today have questionable guidance... and it really pissed me off today.

Then again, I only have part of the stories... which is a another reason I'm not fit to judge. How many people have YOU judged, only knowing part of the story? Not everyone's adult enough to recognize that. I'm working on it.

S-I-G-H...

Monstitoes.

That's what these things are. Not just regular mosquitoes... they are monsters. And I hate them. I have been looking forward to this (cooler) weather for a while so that we could do more outdoorsy things, but we inevitably have to cut the fun short because of these little (big) shits.

We just went outside for a little afternoon walk, like we try to do every day, and got ATTACKED. So now we're inside, watching Sesame Street.

Sigh.

Crib sheets...

... are a HUGE pain in the ass to put on the crib.

What?

I can not stand it when you are having a conversation with someone, and you don't hear what they say... so you say "What?" (or "Excuse me?" or "I'm sorry?" or whatever your preference) and they repeat only part of what they said...

For example... and this is an actual conversation I had with, uhhh, Debbie:

K: "The brand is Weed Eater."
roughly ten minutes later...
D: "Weed Eater is one word?"
K: "What?"
D: "One word?"
K: "What about 'one word'?"

And another thing. Sometimes "What?" doesn't mean "Would you repeat that? I didn't hear you." Sometimes it means "What the fuck does that mean?" It's important to know the difference so that this doesn't happen:

D: "I just purchased five darnassian bleu before!"
K: "What?!" (please take note of the exclamation point/question mark combo... although you can not see the punctuation in actual speech, I assure that their presence is obvious)
D: "I just purchased five darnassian bleu before!"

I Get Mad.

Good for the goat for admitting it. He's SO not passive-aggressive!!!! He's mad and you know it!

I'm going to try to be more goat-like. You should too!!!!

Lemmings. Seriously.

HOLY SHIT!

Don't you get bored? Talking about the same person, or people, over and over again? Complaining about the same person, or people, over and over again? What more is there to say? I'm convinced that this summer has been so oppressively hot and humid because of all the air that keeps shooting out your blowholes. Surely you're more creative than that.

Yes, yes, yes, you're hAlarious and incredibly clever. Although, one of the most entertaining things is the thought of you out there thinking you're too smart to, uhhh, "get caught." But really, this bit is done. Time to find some new material. FIND SOMETHING NEW TO DO. SOMEONE NEW TO HATE. Ho-ly shit.

You're only as pretty as the person inside. I know some ugly... some FUGLY... people. So you do.

FREAKcycle.

Does anyone out there belong to the Freecycle group? It's really great-- you should look into it if you're interested at all in helping the planet Earth survive the human race. It's your kids' home too.

ANYWAY. The way it works is the following: you have something to give away (as opposed to throwing it away... this is the whole point of Freecycle). You post that item on the group's messageboard. You get "x" replies. After a period of, say, 24 hours, you are supposed to pick names at random (supposed to... not everyone does).

So, essentially, you're not really supposed to give preference to anyone in terms of to whom your items go. However, you'll undoubtedly get sob stories and whatnot from people who really want your old ironing board, etc.

But just so you all know, the next time I Freecycle something, I AM GIVING PREFERENCE TO THE PEOPLE WHO SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

Not Music to MY Ears

Hello readers! I am a guest blogger here on Purge Negativity. I am actually not much of a blogger at all. I do have a private "invite only" blog for my family where I post updates about my daughter, but as far as a regular, public blog...I've never had one. Just not my thing I guess. However, from time to time I feel the need to bitch. So I came here because my dear friend, Kristie, told me that blogging about things that piss you off is cathartic. So, here goes!

Today my husband, my daughter and I piled in our vehicle and headed across town to my sister's house. On the way we stopped at a gas station to fill up. We pulled up behind a young man standing outside of his car, pumping gas. I noticed him right away because he had every window in his car rolled down and he had his God awful music blaring. His music was so loud that it was making things inside my vehicle, including my brain, rattle. The music was heavy with profanity, which I have to admit, made me cringe a bit. Now don't get me wrong, I cuss like a sailor when my daughter isn't around. However, she is at the age where she repeats EVERYTHING she hears and I am really trying to fill her vocabulary with words that are appropriate for a 1 1/2 year old. I mean, even "dang it" doesn't sound good coming out of her little mouth. I was not the only one who was irritated. My daughter started complaining in gibberish because the music was SO loud that she couldn't even enjoy her Blue's Clues DVD. I told her that I felt her pain and we both put on our best matching mother and daughter "pissy faces" and glared at the back of the man's head. When the man replaced the nozzle I got excited, thinking that maybe our glaring had worked and he was going to go the fuck away. But alas, he was not finished subjecting me and every other person with in a mile radius to his migraine inducing music. He actually turned and went into the gas station, leaving his music blasting at the pump. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? He finally returned a few minutes later and got into his car. I did an exaggerated, hands-in-the-air cheer as he passed by us and drove away. I just don't understand why it is that people like him think that the rest of us want to hear their crappy-ass music at top volume everywhere they go? Perhaps the answer is that people like him just don't think!

I have a crush on happiness.

Remember when I was all conflicted about where to put random thoughts? If they're not laced with anger or histility, they don't belong here. If they're completely stupid, random, and nonsensical, they probably don't belong on the blog I have for my son. And, well, the other blogs I own are very specific and about specific people or things... so they don't go there. Sigh. Do I have to start another blog? A random thoughts blog? How much can one person possibly say to themselves??

Anyway. I don't want to start another one, so I am going to throw them in here every once in a while. I did warn you that in the midst of this fiery pit of negativity, you might occasionally come across a flower, or a heart, or a puppy, or a butterfly... there might be something happy to read. Or to ignore. Whatever. Eff you (there... I guess that's the "negative" quota for this post... I like to stay on task, you see).

My son and I were downtown the other day. I drive my friend's stepson to guitar lessons every week and it doesn't make sense to come home since the lesson is only thirty minutes long. So while T is strumming away, DS and I just hang around good ol' downtown Wilm.

We're walking along the boardwalky thing, looking at the water, the boats, the bricks, the birds, etc. I heard a weird humming/rumbling sound. I looked up. There, coming right at us, were about ten of those two-wheel-glider-roller-vehicle-things (no, not motorcycles... sheesh... you know, those glider-roller-mobiles that look all futuristic... the ones that you ride standing upright) coming right at us. They don't go fast, so it wasn't a RUN FOR YOUR LIFE kind of reaction, but I was thrown anyway. I got DS and we just stood aside, watching the happy little tourons (thank you for the term, J) glide on by.

Then, as soon as they past us, a cute older man who had been standing near us (and looking as bewildered as I was) turned to me and said, simply, "I wasn't quite expecting that."

I laughed for (it must have been) ten straight minutes. It was just perfect. It was happiness.

There has to be something better!

My "old" diaper bag broke. It's fixable, but I don't want to fix it because I want a new diaper bag. I tried using my ol' Pepto-pink backpack (because it's just easier to have a backpack when you're carrying a mobile baby and a hundred other things with the two arms that you are born with-- man, that was an oversight, eh?) but it's not baby-friendly. I seriously had to empty everything from the backpack to find ONE diaper this morning.

So I need a new one. A better one. A convenient one. A cheap one. A good one. A quality one. A cute one. A classy one. And I need it now.

The hunt begins!

Don't worry.

I'm so smart.

I just had a great idea.

From now on, everyone who is named in this blog is going to be "Debbie." This will eliminate (some of) the assumptions that I am writing about YOU (except for the really paranoid lot of you). It will also eliminate some other questions, such as "Who does she know whose name starts with K? Katie? Could it be Katie? Nah. Kelly? Kelli? Kathy? Kristie? Could she be complaining about herself? Hmmmm, wouldn't doubt it. She's crazy."

So everyone is Debbie. What an honor!

Welcome to Girld. Now, get out!

I'm in a pissy mood because my vacation is over. It was an amazing time, as it always is, but I am now depressed and angry to be back here, so far away from my family. SO I feel like I want to bitch a little. And this is where I come to bitch. Didn't you know that? What the hell did you think was going on? OHHHH. Maybe you didn't think.

My brother shared an email with me last week. It was one of those "fuck you" emails from a friend of his. She was mad that he didn't do something, or mad that he did... I don't know. Neither does he. His message to me in the beginning of the forwarded message was something like "What is wrong with everyone?" I had no answer.

Actually, I did... but my answer was a reprimand to him. You see, K was one of my brother's very close friends. They met in law school and have been friends since. I have met her a few times and I think (thought) she is fabulous-- great sense of humor, a real firecracker, and so sweet. Anyway, I made some sort of "a true word is often said in jest" remark a long time ago (when I was still a legal resident of the Girl World) about the fact that he was so close with a girl. I warned him that the rules in Girl Word (or Girld, as we have affectionately named it) were different than he may be used to. Regular rules don't always apply! Logic and reason don't always matter! Yelling, secrets, passive-aggressiveness, snarkiness, whispering, unreasonable-uhhh-ness, abound! And now, having visited Girld so often, and having spent so much time there, he was forced to be initiated. And I warned him that this day might come.

I ran for office of Girld in eighth grade when my friend P totally dropped me and my friends to join another clique. I abdicated my position for a long time, only running again in the late 1990s when one of my good ol' friends decided to suck. I held this position on and off, unfortunately, until 2004, through another sucking couple of friends. At that point, I formally resigned and relocated to this wonderful place called Earth where, theoretically, real people live. But alas, in early 2008, I was deported from Earth and forced to spend a little time in semi-solitary confinement on Girld through what has been lovingly tagged the "Mama Drama."

Fortunately, the Mama Drama ended for me in March, but like any battle worth its weight, there are residual effects. It's alright; I was prepared for this (having survived the Girltom Bomb before). I'm still here on Girld, but I'm being held against my will. I keep trying to leave, but the new Girld authorities seem intent upon upping their citizenship numbers by using trademark Girld methods-- not unlike those employed in Lost and Sona-- to keep me and many others imprisoned on the island. They try violence (my goodness... such hostility!), intimidation (laughable, but you get an A for effort), pushing their sleeves up and taking a battle stance (some people are just so tough!), making "I know this will get back to her if I tell enough people" comments, making "this had better not get back to her but I trust you so I know you would never sell me out no matter what, right?" comments, making double entendre statements, writing passive-aggressive emails, postings, comments, away messages, status updates... and of course, making alliances. Safety in numbers!

And Girldlings are sneaky! They're everywhere! Most of my experience is with Yankee Girldlings, but don't be fooled... southern Girldlings play dirty too... maybe even dirtier. You know, like "shoot you when your back is turned" dirty. "I smile whilst I poison you, friend" dirty. Meh, whatever. An attack is an attack.

Now HOLD ON. Sigh. I can just see some of you now... some of you Girldlings... getting all pissed off thinking I am writing all about you (have you read the PARANOIA post? HMMMM?) when BAM! I drop a name! A real, actual NAME. Not an initial, but a NAME. I say the name DEBBIE. She's a Yankee Girldling. And she pissed me off. She even pissed me off directly (this is strange, as Girldlings rarely make direct hits), and she sort of resurfaced when this K incident reared its ugly head. And although I have built up quite a tolerance of this poison, it annoyed me anyway.

Debbie's not going to read this (we haven't spoken in years). I don't even care if she does or not... my catharsis won't come by outing her. I did, however, want to state her name so that I can dispel any suspicion that I am writing about anyone in particular (aside from K and Debbie). Writing my cathartic posts and then having them come around and bite me in the ass because I discover that specific people think I am writing specific things about them, pissing them off, and now I have to get pissed off at all the egocentric people in the world who seem to always think they are worthy of all of my thoughts and... well, it's annoying and simply creates a vicious cycle that is the antithesis of the point of this blog. What did I just say?

Girldling warfare has become my iocane powder. And I am almost fully immune (inconceivable!). I might get an upset stomach or a mighty headache on occasion, but that's as bad as it gets for me lately. I just sigh, roll my eyes, give a little hand gesture, and move on. Immediately. Not two months later. Growth!!

Ahhhh. Freedom. So GET OUT, brother! Get out of Girld. I know people. I can help you. It might be tricky, but I've escaped in the past, almost unscathed. I can do it again. I can help you.

Lady. Really, lady?

Here's a story that I recently remembered (though the details are not 100% clear, as it happened a long time ago). The memory was prompted by a moron I was trapped behind in the parking lot of the mall recently.

A few years ago, I was in the Walmart parking lot, waiting to find a spot. The car in front of me rolled to a complete stop (no signal, no nothin'). It just stopped. Nothing happened. No one got in, no one got out... nothin'.

I waited for what I felt was a long time; then I honked. It wasn't one of those obnoxious long honks... I swear! It was just a "Beep! Hello?? Can you please move along? Waiting, here!" Instantly, this enormous lady emerged from the car. She had shades on (it was night time) and she walked toward me (slower than I have ever seen anyone walk in my entire life).

Lady: You got a problem?
Kristie: A problem? No, I wouldn't call it a "problem." I just want to park my car.
L: So park your car.
K: I can't move my car, and I can't park it here. You are stopped in front of me and there are two cars behind me waiting as well. I need to get around you.
L: So go around me.
K: What are you, a high school bully? Can you please just move your car?
L: (did that "tough guy" step-forward thing like she was about to, you know, kick my ass... then she muttered a whole bunch of loud yet cloudy obscenities as she stormed off to her car-- a black Ford Escort-- and peeled away)

WTF????

I was waiting to be jumped on the way to/from Walmart, but miraculously, I survived.

Bullies. It seems as though there are far more of them outside of schools than in them. I've dealt with my fair share of bullies being a middle and high school teacher and all, and it's even more pathetic (sad!) to see "old" people bullying. Some people are SOOOOOOO tough (*rolls eyes*).

I know, I know, these people usually have self-esteem issues and are acting out, but take it somewhere else. I don't know. Go get help. Talk to someone. Lose some weight. Read a book. Pluck your eyebrows. Get a manicure. Take some classes. Whale on a punching bag. Call Dr. Phil. DO something. The rest of us don't have the time or patience to deal with your issues... and we shouldn't have to, either.

Mix it up, Mel.

I can't stand that, in the movie Sweet Home Alabama, Reese Witherspoon's character (Melanie Smooter/Carmichael) wears the same outfit to leave Alabama as she did when she arrived there not long before.

They're trying to make her out to be this big-time hoity-toity New York designer, marrying the mayor's McDreamy son, yet they can't find two plane outfits for her?

Why doesn't she just wear sweats or pajamas to travel like the rest of the world?

Ya ever just feel like this??

**WARNING: This is not for people with sensitive ears.

Paranoia... will destroy ya.

OK, I'm paranoid. DUHHHHH.

Well, hold on. I'm not paranoid if the things I am paranoid about are actually true. I'm most likely not going to be the one to know if they are true or not, but that's not the point. If they're true, whether I know it or not, then you can't call me paranoid. Na na na na naaaaaaaaaaaa na.

Although... I called someone the other day. I don't really know this woman (her name is G)... I know more "of" her than anything else. But I had, ummm, "business" with her, so I called her. She asked me to hold because she had someone on the other line. I said "Of course." Now it must be said that, from the little that I do know of G, I like her. And no, I don't like everyone. Just trust me, I do not. But I like everyone until they give me reason not to. So the people I don't like? Yeah, it's their fault.

Anyway. When G clicked back to her other line, she said "I've got Kristie calling." Now, the paranoid me thinks there was a hint of an "eye-roll" tone of voice, but I can not imagine why. Maybe that's just how she sounds (you know, like the girl that Juno thinks is giving her the "stink-eye," but in reality, that's just how she looks). I have apparently pissed plenty of women off in the greater Wilm area, but I have zero idea what I could have done to piss this particular woman off, and/or why the woman on the other line even knew who I was. Unless... I didn't piss G off... and she's just hearing people... blowing... hard... Nevermind.

ANYWAY. So maybe I am paranoid. Ha ha, reading through some of these posts, I am thinking that some of YOU may be paranoid as well. I'm so cryptic! "My friend" this and "someone I know" that. How annoying! Do YOU think you are this friend? Or this someone? Are you paranoid too? Well, you are in good company. Remember, you're not paranoid if the thing(s) you're paranoid about are true.

Anything you want to ask me?

Allow me to elaborate.

I am elaborating on the "Don't Punish the Kids" post. Originally, I was (half jokingly) doing it for THE Immoral Matriarch, but now having written it (this intro was written post, ummm, post), I feel even better. Not much better, as my original point of bitching was general and this post gets more specific, but yes, better nonetheless.

S and I were talking about cars. I am car shopping and trying to pick the brain of everyone I know, especially those with kids. S doesn't have any kids, but she knows plenty of people that do and she promised to survey them all for me. Like a good little friend, she did.

She was telling me that a coworker or friend or something, who has two children, recently bought some sort of deathtrap sports car that barely has a back seat. I said that I didn't think that was terribly intelligent, considering the children (the practicality factor... and the safety issue). She agreed... and then she said that this man needed to get into a very serious accident, so that the kids get hurt, to teach him a lesson.

I just thought it was an awful thing to say. Awful.

Come on. Don't punish the kids.

I had a conversation with my friend S the other day. I've been friends with S for maybe five years or so? Anyway, this conversation bothered me. It involved a parent doing something stupid (no one is immune from stupidity, now, come on) and S making some stupid comment about how the children of said stupid parent should essentially be punished for the stupid parent's stupidity.

??

S doesn't have children, and I hope that's why she said something so mean. In otherwords, I can't imagine a person with a child wishing ill-will against someone else's child (to essentially punish the parent). Ugh. I really, really hope I don't know parents who I really feel are capable of saying or doing something unkind about/to children to get at the parent. There's not much worse.

Says a lot about you, of course, if you're the type of person to do that. And YOU have to live with yourself, which I have come to realize is the best punishment (even if you don't realize it now... karma...).

But your children also have to live with you... do you want them to suffer because YOU are stupid?

Pregnant does not equal DISABLED (most of the time)!

My in-laws were visiting this weekend. My sister-in-law is pregnant. She's due in September. I found myself (a few times) treating her like she is incapable of doing anything.

When I was pregnant, I could not STAND being treated "delicately." I know that pregnant women have limitations. I was not stupid (still not stupid... contrary to what the rumors are); I was very careful. But I could barely take all the attention and "help." Yet, here I was, doing it to my sister-in-law (who, by the way, seems to hate it too!!).

What I'm saying is this: do you all think about the things that you really despise... from other perspectives? Come on, now. We all know people who do or say things that, if they were done to or said about them, would explode instantaneously. The stupidity is comforting... and it CAN be fun to laugh at them when you witness it happening.

But are you immune?

Mean Girls

I was walking downtown with my cousin recently. A flock of young girls (high school... MAYBE college) went zipping by us, all wearing some variation of denim skirt. I mean, they all looked exactly alike (the skirts, I mean... well, the girls too).

And earlier in that same week, at karaoke (not planned... though I was THRILLED to accidentally end up there... I swear, it was JUST supposed to be dinner!) hoochie after hoochie got up to sing or attempt to dance says the white girl. You should have SEEN what these girls were wearing. Kids today!! Seriously!! I assume they were in college. I did NOT dress up like they do when I went out in college. Come on. Strapless dresses?? Stilettos?

Anyway, M and I just gave each other "the look" when we saw the quadruplets downtown, and mercilessly joked about the hoochie-mamas at karaoke.

Girls are MEAN! The thing is, these girls looked fine. Some even looked GREAT! OK, some seriously and legitimately DID look awful, but most of them were very cute and looked nice. M and I, being the old ladies in the bar, were clearly jealous of the way these girls looked. We want our abs to show! We want our asses to be rock-hard! We want our arms to be ripped!

Is envy the reason that many women are so mean? Clearly it's one of MY reasons!!

Dogs don't bite me...

I, uhhh, "borrowed" that title from a friend. I didn't ask permission. Sorry, M... I hope you don't mind. Edit: I asked permission later and she gave me the "OK." I am saving the conversation in case she ever denies it ;)

I have always thought that you can tell what a person is like by how he or she treats animals. You know, the assholes who "hate" animals or say stupid things like "I'll kick that dog out of my way" are just (let's face it), IMO, bad people.

Lately I have been watching mothers. I don't know that you can be a good mother if you're a bad person, but I'm just a mother and a person... and not qualified to judge.

Anyway... as previously stated (did I state it here or in my other blog?), I have been taking a hiatus from groups lately. I still communicate and/or get out with my guy on my own, or with DH, and/or with some friends who have accepted me for who I am, faults and all. It's so much less EXHAUSTING now. I'm working my way back to group things though, here and there, because I do see value in them. In the meantime, I have been observing the dynamics of groups if and when I see them; it's actually been pretty interesting.

There seem to be many mothers who get out to do group activities predominantly for themselves. Nothing wrong with that; I see the need for moms, particularly SAHMs, to socialize. But should they do this while the children fall to the wayside? IMO, good mothers almost always (if not always) put the needs of their children before theirs (unless, of course, their needs need to be met to meet the child's). But is it right to blatantly ignore (or by annoyed by) the children when you're out at a play date?I'm not even really talking about mothers with their own children. I am talking about how some mothers act/react/ignore every child that is not their own. I always try to greet, play with, or at least address the presence of another child when I am out on a play date. Why not?? They are why we're there, after all, and most of the time why we know each other. And they are ALL adorable (I have yet to meet a non-adorable child), even when they're oozing from every orifice. OK, I wave at those kids from across the playground, but still I wave. :)

Not all moms are user-friendly when it comes to children. It's almost like the moms who don't address the presence of their "playdate mate"'s child(ren) are socially inept. I don't know.

You've got to be kidding me.

... and we're back. But just for a moment.

I get tidbits here and there from the people I know who are still WMs. NO, I do not have a fake account nor do I want one, and I do NOT log in as, or read over the shoulder of, my close friends who still have active accounts (fucking speculate and conspiracy-theorize all you want... I don't fucking lie). OK, fine. I lie. I lied today, actually. But I am not lying about this.

I've heard some ridiculous things about this site lately. I can not believe how fast it has spiraled... or was it always this way, but I was ignorant to it??

I know it's very egocentric to think that the drama in which I was involved had anything to do with the total destruction of what I used to think was a wonderful resource, but...

If the foo shits.

Nothing.

Today, and lately, I hate nothing. Life is better than good...

Expectation.

This post is sort of an addendum to the previous one. I think this person really bugged me!!!!

I just thought of another example to illustrate my gratitude point. This one is more meaningful, because it's not just about being/doing something nice for others who show no gratitude (actually, who show the OPPOSITE of gratitude). It's about gratitude and EXPECTATION.

There may be an expectation of certain things in life but it's important to remember that although something may be expected, you should still show gratitude.

For example (this isn't THE example I was thinking of, but, well, baby steps)... I thanked my Ob/Gyn repeatedly after my son was delivered. I was so, so grateful. Now, this guy gets a gazillion dollars every day for doing what he does. But that's his JOB. So it's expected that he is going to deliver babies safely, yet does he not deserve gratitude?! As long as he did everything "right," does he not deserve gratitude?

Here's the example to which I was referring in the beginning of the post.

I used to be a professional developer. Say what you will, but not everyone knows everything (and even more know nothing) so having a resource person on staff to support the teachers in mandated initiatives was not only useful, but also necessary.

A teacher was printing a test in my room one day, at the very end of her free period. There were several print jobs queued ahead of hers, so she had a little while to wait. I told her that I would keep an eye out for her test so that she could get to class. No big deal.

Her test printed out. I put it in her mailbox. She came to me later looking for it. I told her where I had put it. She all but freaked out, explaining that "you NEVER put tests in mailboxes." You never? Or you never? The other teachers in the room at the time rolled their eyes and reassured me that she was a high-strung lunatic (yes, this was validation... and it felt effing good).

But... ummmm... FA-Q! What was that?!?! It's my job to help you, for sure, but not everything I did appeared in my job description (I was not hired to be a waitress or a delivery girl). I was always happy to go above and beyond (part of my work ethic and stands true today). This was a little extra nothing that I thought I could do to help, yet got reamed for doing it.

It's so easy to criticize from the sidelines when you're useless and a lazy ass. Why do so many people fit that description? And why are the ones that do, proud of it?!

Ungrateful.

I don't care what kind of pissy-ass mood you are in, or what kind of pissy-ass nasty and mean person you are... when someone does something nice for you, BE GRATEFUL.

I went to a (let's call it a) "party" recently. Many of our good friends were there, and a whole bunch of other people as well. It was a nice-sized crowd. It was a "party" in honor of a specific person. And she bitched the entire time she was there.

Did you ever see The Hand That Rocks The Cradle? There was a scene in that movie where the wife was brought home to a surprise party waiting for her. Of course, she didn't know that. She was in the kitchen, arguing (loudly) with her husband while the livingroom housed a whole mess o' guests, just waiting to enthusiastically yell "SURPRISE!!" When she finally went into the livingroom to greet the guests, they were visibly uncomfortable... and rightly so.

OK, this same thing didn't happen at this party, but as a guest, I felt awkward and weird. All of us did. We were visibly uncomfortable.

What is wrong with people? Why are people not immediately struck down by lightning when they act this way? Like, the people who ask for favors and then complain about how they were done. Or the ones who are given money but complain that they weren't given enough. Or the ones who get gifts but complain that they are not the right size, color, shape, price, or brand.

Seriously, people???? I KNOW that these people who complain when nice things are done are bad people (truly, just bad people... how can you live with yourself?) who are clearly bitter about something. But there are no excuses-- good or otherwise-- when people act, no ARE, ungrateful when efforts are made for them.

I just don't get it.

Men are pigs.

I have a friend who bobs in and out of my life, and has for about ten years. He's one of those seriously unstable, volatile people who you just LOVE because you know the layers... and you know better... yet he pisses you off more often than not. Yet when he surfaces, you are THRILLED to hear from him. And then he pisses you off again and you're glad to see him go.

He pissed me off the other day (shocker!). Not at first. And not really. He just bewildered and annoyed me for a couple of days. And I knew exactly where to put the negativity!

I was emailing with him, and we were talking about reunions-- high school, college, etc. (not an entirely irrelevant detail... I am trying to illustrate the randomness of this comment). Within the context of the conversation, he randomly says (and I quote... errr, I copy/paste), "...you never used your body to your advantage."

I "whatevered" him, deleted the email, and that was going to be that. But I started thinking about the comment again last night, and in my never ending quest to over-analyze everything in life, I demanded an explanation. Here is our brief, totally dissatisfying, and slightly INFURIATING conversation... and I quote:

K: OK, I tried to ignore you and let it go, but I don't know what you mean. What made you say "you never used your body to your advantage." What does that mean?

F: I mean just what I said. Most women have some sort of physical attribute that can be used to their advantage in different parts of their lives, like work, home, friends, school, and so on. The smart ones use it and it usually works out for them. I would say that most men would agree with me. [C] and [T] are both bosses of smaller groups at work and they get to pick their teams. You should see the girls that work for them, and you will know what I mean.

K: This is not an acceptable explanation because it's a vague (and confusing) generalization and doesn't actually explain what you said to me, or why you said it specifically about me. Plus, it sounds completely sexist if I am interpreting your words correctly. Oh, and it doesn't really make sense. Did you proofread it!? Is it even worth me asking for more clarification??

F: Just trust me. Men think this way. It's not about T&A or anything, or how a girl looks at work, or anything. It's just about the physical things that men always look for in women, at work, in a relationship, or anywhere.

And although I am still totally mystified about what he meant and why he said it, I am placing it here to let it go. I will NOT obsess. I will NOT continue to ask questions. I will accept some things as stupid, ignorant, or just "not meant to be understood" and I will move on.

But I WILL say that if he meant what I think he meant, then all men are pigs. ;)

Steeeeeeeerike!

I don't know why, but I can not stand watching sports on TV... professional, college... doesn't matter. I can (and love to) watch virtually any sport LIVE, but when it's "just" on TV, I am bored to tears.

I guess the one exception is baseball. I am glued to the TV if/when there is a subway series, if/when my cousin is playing (he played for the Tigers, and now the Marlins), and if/when my New Yorkers play the Red Sux... er, Sox. I fucking HATE the Red Sox. I love Joe Torre though. Love him! Personally, I mean. I love him personally. I personally love him personally. I think he is a REALLY nice guy. And I'll miss him.

I hate all things Duke too. Sorry, Erica (it's actually your fault though). I know this is yet another thing that makes me an enemy of the state, but... well, it's the truth.

And ehhh, I half pay attention when Notre Dame plays anyone in anything, but that's because the lives of many people that I love hang in the balance.

Things that make ya go HA!

"God gave us two ears and one mouth so we could listen twice as much as we speak."
-some character in a movie I saw today

HA! That is a funny quote. I wonder if it's true?? I always thought we had two ears so that we could hear (and sometimes even listen) no matter which way we tried to turn our heads to avoid it!!

Also, I just saw the AT&T commercial with Meatloaf. HA! My favorite part is when his son starts twitching his head, ya know, getting into the jam...

AND... what's with the Betty Crocker Warm Delights mini cakes!? The regular sizes aren't even big enough!

I hate the DENTIST

Well, not personally. I actually think my dentist is a nice guy. But the whole "dentist experience" is always so unpleasant. So I avoid it as long as possible (then end up in the ER, 5 months pregnant) and then finally cave... usually with many consequences...

Vicious cycle.

An appropriate allusion...

I just read something hilarious in Time magazine:

"It's not part of my conditioning as a woman and as a Catholic-school girl to ever be disruptive..."
-Susan Sarandon

It's just funny is all.

HATE is a four-letter word too.

I thought of something else today that pissed me off, but I can't remember it now. It happened while we were out running some errands this morning. While I was trying to remember what it was, I said "hate" to myself a lot. "What the hell was it that pissed me off this morning? Ugh. I hate what...? Did someone do or say something I hate? Did I see something happen that I hate? I hate it when I can't remember..." Anyway, I realized that I was throwing the H-BOMB around quite a bit.

I guess I am going to use the word "hate" a lot. I don't truly hate many people, places, or things (inanimate or not)... I think "hate" is an extremely strong word with extreme meaning, just like the word "love." But I toss them both around like they're no big deal(s). They are though, really. To me, anyway.

I don't actually "love" Jim Halpert, but I say that I do (actually, I say that I looooooooove him). Sometimes you say things that you don't entirely mean, but in a simpler way that others understand. For example... I could say "I enjoy looking at and listening to Jim Halpert because I think he is attractive, intelligent, and hilarious... oh, and I occasionally picture myself as Katy, Karen, or especially Pam, etc. and dream about **CENSORED**" but it's just easier to say "love" in that scenario.

So although I will be saying "hate" a lot in this blog, I don't mean it literally. I'll try to remember to alert you if/when I use it for what it really means.